N and her new ways (with the new Nanny)

Hellllllllllp! Just when I thought I am beginning to get a good handle on how to raise my child...and just when I started thinking this is a piece of cake...let's have another one - she has decided to test my patience to the limits. I shudder to think of how I lose it at times and wonder if her own mom can get so worked up...what will the nanny do when I am away at work? Ugh!!! Gives me the chills. The child of mine is almost 2yrs 5 months now and has decided to be her most difficult self these days. Dunno if that is just the terrible twos now kicking in or the slight lifestyle change where I am trying to detach her from me and get her used to a nanny. Whatever it is - I seriously need your input.

She refuses to go for a bath on most days, refuses to go pee even when it is past 4 hours and refuses to go for a nap at her usual time. Like today she finally went for her nap at 5pm in the evening! Her normal time used to be 2pm on most days and latest by 3:30pm. She used to wake up around 5 or 5:30, drink her milk and go down to the park in the evenings. These days her entire schedule is out for a toss. Also these days she's going through a viral bug where she is coughing and has a runny nose. Doc advises steaming but she refuses to do even that. Its scary to see my shy and timid child turn into this 'shouting monster' who shouts NO when being told to do steaming, or go for a bath or take her nap even. Ooohhh please please help! What do I do when my patience has reached its limits??? :( I do not believe in spanking...her only punishment is a time-out in the balcony.

BTW I do believe part of it is coz she is getting a lot of attention and love from this new nanny whom she adores as long as they are playing. But the moment the nanny tries her to get to eat or bathe, lil N snaps back at her and either comes to me wailing or just becomes very stubborn. I wonder how the nanny will deal with N if I am away full time at work.

Edited to Add: The next morning was worse with me waking up ill (with a flu) and having to send her to school with the nanny. I think both she and I broke down at this point - she believing that mommy has totally abandoned her and I seeing her heart break so badly. So we both broke down and cried to our heart's content. Surprisingly though, things got much better after that. I resolved to be there for her a little longer and stop pushing her so hard. She too reciprocated the love and is behaving like her well mannered self all over again. Whew! Thank God it is a new day and things have come back to normal in our household. After speaking to a few friends who have been through this ordeal, they have asked me to give her a week and go gradually. She will get used to not having mommy 24 x 7 and let the nanny do things for her eventually. So I will give it a more patient and genuine try now and try not to lose my patience. I think my friend SBJ (read comments) hit the nail on the head - the biggest thing I should always keep in mind when I am impatient with N is...how would I like the nanny to deal with a similar situation when I am away.

In any case, thank god I can see much more clearly now the rain is gone...la la la :-) Sigh...I think it was just a bad Wednesday & Thursday filled with lots of 'Mama Guilt' ! Thanks dear friends for all your words of wisdom. And I love you my lil N...you have taught me so much in such a short time. Please know that I will be there for you ALWAYS as long as I am alive...and if possible even after that.

This happens only in India!

A holiday declared for most playschools and even some high schools on Friday for what? Coz of the solar eclipse from 11am to 3pm!!! I mean what are the working parents supposed to do if they don't have a nanny or parents at home? Are they also supposed to take off from work coz of the eclipse!!!??? Not that I am working right now but what if I did? Just makes me wanna smile and hum the tune "this happens only in India" :-)

Moving On to the New Year

Just a random post to pour out all that I have been feeling lately...

• Ever since I got back home to Bangalore after a month long trip from my brother's wedding, things seem quite changed with most of my friends in town. Seems like everyone has moved on to pursue things in life that they always wanted to. Its all for their good ofcourse but it just seems like so much has hapenned in the one month I was away. One of my friends & neighbor bought a new home (which ofcourse means she will be moving away soon), two of my friends got pregnant with a second one (and sadly both of them lost the babies too), one of them got out and got a job (which means she is less available during the day) and another one is looking to pursue some kind of an educational course to get back to work. This gave me lots of inspiration and the push I needed to get out in the job market myself. Just seems like all of us who have been at home during the transitional period to settle down in Bangalore have now decided to move on.
• So I started 2010 with a resolution that this is the year I will take the next big step in my life - either have a second kid or buy a home for ourselves or get back to my career that I gave up almost a year ago (since we moved back from the US). So that is my resolution - to move on to the next step in life and get all the support structure needed around me to support this move.
• Hence I am currently in the market for a full time cook cum nanny for my kiddo. Just like I had in the US. And I tell you it is hard...very hard to find someone you can trust your child and your home to. I am trying out different maids almost every other day. I am also evaluating day-cares as another option but am a little hesitant sending little N to one at this stage. Knowing her, we as parents believe she will be most comfortable at her own home. I really hope and pray I find someone as trustworthy as I had in the US. How I wish I could call that nanny over to India and have her live with us! If you don't know who I am talking about, see here and here.
• My plan is to settle little N down with either a nanny or a day-care and get back to work in the next month or so. Any tips or ideas anyone? How have you stepped out of home with a little one around? I mean I had gone back to work right after she turned 3 months but that was in the US and that too once I found a nanny I could trust. I think it is easier to trust someone there than in India coz of the laws and traceability system there. The quality of maids I am finding here is not comparable to what I had there and the Montessori schools I like do not have on-campus day-cares here. So what did you mommies who moved back to India do? What if I get a job I really like but it requires some travel? And worse - what if they require travel abroad (even if it is once or twice a year)? What do you guys do then?