More cute conversations

N came back from school today and her nanny (our maid) had cooked fish for her after ages. We usually do not cook fish at home since we are not big fans of fish but the maid is Bengali so she craves it once in a while. Today she went and bought it and cooked it for herself and li'l N.

Now when I called home to check how N was doing, I could hear my lil N saying in the background "Mien aapki shikayat karoongi mamma se" (I will complaint about you to mamma). So I wanted to humor her and asked our maid to hand her the phone.

N comes on the phone and says: "Mamma aap didi ko daant lagana kyonki didi ne ghich pich kiya meri plate mien" (Ghich pich kiya in our house is a kiddish way of saying made a mess)

Me: "Ghich pich kiya? Kya ghich pich kiya?"

N: "Poori dal meri plate mien dal di aur katori gira di."

Me: "Oh...ok. Mien daant lagaungi ok?"

N: "Aur aap mujhe fish nahin dete ho. Didi deti hai. Lekin aap daant lagana. Fish mien dandi tha."

Me thoroughly amused by now at the endearing racket these 2 were creating at home. But also being my cautious mommy self now and instructing the maid to make sure she cleans the bones before feeding the child (choking hazard and what not).

Sigh...when did my lil N grow up so much! She went from speaking pure English to a lot of Hindi now and can even translate between the 2 skillfully. She speaks to us in English and if she wants to convey the same thing to her maid or her grandparents, she turns to them and translates for them in Hindi :-) And she never really likes to have proper conversations on the phone except for days like today. Just these small snippets of talks with her on the phone make my working day go by a lot easier at times.

Some weekend conversations with N

We had a hectic Saturday this past weekend - spent most of it outdoors so wanted to take it easy on Sunday. I decided to clean N's toys this Sunday morning to sort out old unused stuff into items for donation, discarding and keeping and empty out a cabinet to organize her toys better. Spent a good 2 hours on that, found toys that she hadn't played with in ages and N had a blast rediscovering the joys of silly things such as plastic monster's teeth, screeching bean ball, basket ball (with its lost hoop that I put up again for her), a new swinging and pull up bar that we put up for her as well, etc. After all that fun, we crashed on the bed in the afternoon hoping that all 3 of us would enjoy a nice afternoon siesta. But she usually gets very playful when we get horizontal even if it is late at night. Infact her daily bedtime routine that she really looks forward to is a good playful wrestle with her daddy after which mommy has to wind her down with a story and what not.

So back to this Sunday afternoon...while some of her wrestling and rolling around and jumping on our backs got a little rough, I said to her:

Me: Beta...don't hurt papa so much, he will get boo.

N (sulking): I don't like No! You are not a nice mamma!

Me (quite amused at her reaction): I am not a nice mamma? Ok so what should we do?

N: No! You are not a nice mamma! I want a new mamma!

Me: Oh really? Tell your papa to get a new mamma!

N: Papa - I want a new mamma!

Papa: (just enjoying a good chukle)

Me: Okay tell me - who do you want as your mamma? B auntie or A auntie or G auntie? (naming a few of my close friends whose kids and my lil N hang out almost every day).

N: B auntie.

Me (Just amused and awed to see her clarity in preferences and thoughts): Really? Not G auntie or A auntie?

N: No - I want B auntie as my mamma.

Sigh! I guess this is what I get when I threaten her to take T as my baby when my lil N is not listening to me (T is G auntie's daughter).

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Normally when N wakes up every morning, she is just like me - cranky, not a very happy person, needs a warm beverage (milk in her case, tea in mine) to enter her system before she finally smiles and stretches and really wakes up. This morning though, she woke up and instead of wailing or crying for mommy, she stretched, was all fresh and when she saw me enter the room, she said:

N: Mamma, when I was sleeping at night, you forgot to help me wear a full pant and a full shirt.

Me (surprised): Oh...did you feel cold at night N?

N: Yes. And you forgot my jacket also.

Me: Sorry bebu.

N: Ok...when it is night again, you help me wear full pant and full shirt ok?

Me: Yes my baby.

Thinking: No wonder I saw her sit up sometime late at night, pull the blanket on top of her and go back to sleep at night. Which is very very unlike my daughter. She is normally the one who has never liked to be under a blanket at night however cold it is. I remember she used to even wiggle out of her swaddle (when she was less than a month old) that most other babies seemed to enjoy when they were infants. Note to self : She has been running a cold since Friday though. Maybe that's why.

A very good morning to you all as well...

Happy Monday everyone! And a very good morning to all.

Not sure why but I feel like I have suddenly woken up from a long slumber. Somehow, it feels like the last week kind of whizzed past by and I was too tired or sleepy or just not in the mood to notice. So much has been going on in life lately that I haven't even had the time or motivation to blog about any of it. But somehow this morning, I feel energized and refreshed again. No real rhyme or reason...maybe just maybe its coz it is the last day of my monthly visitor Aunty Flo :-)

Anyways...hope everyone had a nice Diwali break. I, for one, enjoyed two back to back long weekends at work. We had a Monday (Nov 1) and the same Friday (Nov 5) as holidays so just a 3 day week at work was a nice change. We decided to capitalize on this and booked a trip to Goa for Oct 30 - Nov 1. Left Bangalore by bus on the night of Oct 29, reached Goa the next morning and checked into the Kenilworth resort we had booked. And believe me, after that, we did really NOTHING for the next 4 days. Just relaxed, ate, enjoyed the beach and the pool to our heart's content. Bliss. Pure bliss. Really a much needed break just as a cozy family of 3 after a long long while. Vacations are a very nice time to bond emotionally and rediscover the joys of having each other and counting our blessings. I am glad we took that break.

Post that we just took it easy during Diwali. Had planned to travel again to visit my parents but were honestly too tired after the long road trip to Goa. Infact since the bus ride took too long due to bad roads, we took a one way cab from Goa back to Bangalore and cancelled our return bus tickets. That was a wiser decision and on hindsight - should have done that to and fro right from the start. Oh well...lesson learnt. So Diwali was spent by me making some besan laddus at home and generally doing rangolis, diyas and socializing with some friends - that's all. No fireworks for us since we are not crazy about them and neither is li'l N. She infact is terrified of going anywhere near them. We took her down for a walk in our apartment complex on Diwali night and she hated the noise of these bombs and ladis and cried to go back home. So we did what we usually do every year at Diwali - sat in our balcony and enjoyed the view of fireworks in the Bangalore skyline. We are lucky to have a very good view of the city from our own home so Diwali nights from our balcony are pretty nice.

Me and my hubby were talking on our way back from Goa about how he has noticed that after most of our vacations, we have some life changing events at home. Our last trip was to Sirsi, Ankola and hubby's native for li'l N's mundan and dear hubby had quit his job right after that. This time too there are some huge changes going on at my work as well as his. And we spent a good chunk of time discussing these during our drive home. So that is the other reason I have been preoccupied and away from blogging too much. To give you a summary - the company I work for is getting acquired by another MNC which means that I may not have the same job anymore. Infact, if I don't find anything else within this MNC, I may have to look outside in the next 6 months or so. And I wasn't too happy about the idea of polishing my interview shoes all over again :-( I just don't do too well with change when it is not what I have chosen generally so I was quite mad at losing the great job I had. I mean it had a very good amount of flexibility which was the only reason I could even think of working with a little child at home. And it matched my past experience and career desire perfectly. It was in many ways tailor made for me. It will be next to impossible to find another one like this in today's market. I will be forced to change my career and lose the flexibility a little which I really don't wish to at this point. Oh well...enough negativity right? Let's wait and see...and hope for the best. Like I said - this morning I am all fresh and energized full of positivity again. Hubby too got a new boss at work and there are major re-orgs happening that may not be received too well by everyone. But he too is dealing well with it and making the most out of it.

On a brighter note, I had planned to invite some upper management guests from work over for Diwali. And I have been stressing about that for weeks. But finally made it happen last night and thankfully it was a success (atleast in my mind :-)). No more nerve wrecking moments wondering what to cook and how to place everyone and what to buy etc. Whew! We did have a good time and some great discussions. Some things that were said and that stayed with me:

• On the topic of when to pursue entrepreneurship if that is what you really want to do - one thing he said was - do not give yourself artificial deadlines such as when I am x years of age I will do something of my own etc. Infact, if you have something in mind, the earlier you start, the better it is because you have lesser to lose. And the later you start, not only will your responsibilities increase in life but your lifestyle will only go up. It will never go down. So your expenses and stuff will only increase and it will be harder to maintain your lifestyle at that point.

• On the topic of buying a home and what kind, where etc. - one thing she said was - when your kids are young, your priorities are very different. What you want at that stage is not an independent villa in a far off location. Infact you want everything at your fingertips - proximity to the medical stores, doctors, super markets, shops, a good community, etc. along with security of a gated complex, amenities that the kids could use such as children's park, pool, tennis court, etc. Once they are older, one can think of building or living in your dream house far away from the city but when the kids are growing is when you really need the support system.

So all in all some eventful few weeks have gone by and hopefully this post brings me out of my so-called stressful misery and motivates me to just look at the brighter side of things. I resolve to stop taking out my stress on my loved ones at home and making them miserable as well. I will just enjoy my present and let God and nature decide what future holds for us all. Now let's just hope I stick to this resolution for atleast a week ;-)

School Season Again

It is school season again in this part of the world. And parents like me who have kids going to playschools or Montessoris are in the market for the next school their child should go to. Which means any parent I talk to, this is the topic of prime concern and one that we dwell on. Sometimes it feels like I just need something to obsess about in life - it is one thing to the other. Currently it is schools and what method of education is best for my child. Our hubbys' may call us 'paranoid moms' but trust me - all this 'market research' (translate: talking to every parent about it until they are ready to walk off the place) has helped me come to one decision atleast. That we will NOT be targeting schools which have a pure academic bend and focus only on marks rather than an all round development of the child respecting his interests in life. Which means we are taking the bold step of leaving out NPS (the most sought after school in most parent's list on our side of the town) from our list of schools we will apply to. Which is a HUGE step for a person like me who basically finds it so hard to make decisions (you can blame my Gemini genes I guess). My strategy in life otherwise is to shoot in all directions (translate: apply to all schools where the child will be eligible for age-wise) and once you do have a few admissions, think hard (translate: chew my hubby's and others' brains harder) and research a lot more (translate: read and re-read all the same websites and online forums and reviews again) and then make a call. Sigh!

So like I was saying - we have made a decision to leave out NPS from our list. But knowing me, I know the moment I hear that they are issuing forms, you will find me standing (and sweating like a pig) in the loooooooooong queues outside not 1, not 2 but all 3 branches of NPS near our area really hoping that I get the form! That's me. I know myself very well that way. Hubby calls it madness but so be it - I don't want to be left out of the collective madness (afterall the tonnes of other folks standing in line cannot be all mad). And what if my child does not get through allllllllllllllll the other schools we will be trying for and what if this is the only one left? Hubby says in that case we let her continue at the lovely Montessori she is going to now and try again for LKG next year. No big deal. And I actually agree. She and us parents loooooooooooove this Montessori she is going to at present and breaks my heart to have to pull her out of it in 1 year since she is not only enjoying it but learning so much there without any input from our end! She is just 3 and is already recognizing so many alphabets and numbers and is even writing some of them at times. Amazing really. But the sad thing is I don't have the courage to let her continue there and only worry about admissions when she is ready to go into 1st std. I wish I really had that courage and determination coz she has everything she needs here including daycare facilities (if needed). But I know I will feel like I didn't give it a shot for her long term schooling if I do not apply to some of them this year.

Ok so back to the research on big schools. Here is other thing I get put off in schools these days. It is what they call new-age methodologies of teaching which include multimedia enabled classrooms, computer labs with educational games/CDs and such! I mean really? For 4 year olds? I could have popped a DVD at home and have her watch it if that is what teaching is about these days! I mean I would rather have her spend her time outdoors interacting and learning with other kids (even if it is free play) than watch DVDs in a classroom.

So like I said, school fever begins again. And starting next month, you can find me standing in one of those queues at most of them schools in and around our area (even further beyond our area I'm sure)! So here's wishing myself (and my child) some luck and sending luck to all you parents out there who are in the same boat as me this year! Do keep me posted on which schools are you targeting and which you are NOT (in and around Koramangala, Bangalore).

Happy 3rd Bday My Child

My little baby turned 3 last week. Unlike the past 2 birthdays where we had a huge bash with all friends and family in town, we decided to keep it very cozy and close knit only with immediate family this time around. We wanted to take full advantage of the fact that now that we are in the same country, we can actually share such events with parents and let them have the joy of seeing their little ones grow too. So we booked a trip to Bombay and took a week off from work just so we can be with family.

We enjoyed seeing N bonding with her dada-dadi-bua, nana-nani and even took time out to visit my brother in Pune so that she could see her mama-mami and some of our cousins in Bombay and Pune. Overall nice quality time with family was spent and new memories of the child's 3rd bday were created. Her day started with a visit to the Ganpati temple with her mom-dad-dada-dadi and then cake cutting in the evening. Later we took her to McDonalds for dinner so that she could hog on fries and ketchup to her heart's content!

Got back yesterday and each of us had withdrawal symptoms of getting back to our usual grind this morning :-) The little one kept saying "I don't want to go to school" and "Mamma don't go to office" until she asked what was in her dabba. When I mentioned apples, she asked for cake. And when I actually agreed, she was overjoyed. She was thrilled at going to school with cake in her snack box and actually got ready in a jiffy. She surprised me by even saying her prayers without being prompted to (which is a never before activity btw). I have been saying the Gayatri Mantra with her each morning while starting our drive to school and she helps me finish it. Today she said the whole thing (obviously in her cute childish language) all by herself and pranced around to go to school. But then at the school gate, she actually had tears in her eyes when I dropped her there. I am sure she'll be fine in a few days time as she meets her friends that she has missed over the last 9 days. Already last night was a blast when she just refused to be separated from her best friend A and insisted we go out to dinner with them as well! So a nice Italian dinner was had - courtesy her friend A and our child N who refused to be separated on meeting each other after 9 long days! Another milestone of sorts was had last night when she actually kept her promise of not sucking her thumb if we took her out with her friend A with whom she so wanted to go to the restaurant. She surprisingly did not suck her thumb throughout dinner even though she got sleepy and tired by the end and kept saying "I want to go home and sleep" coz she knew she had promised not to suck her thumb at the restaurant. Even at bed time we insisted a little and she kept the promise well. I am proud of her for keeping her promise this time although it was very difficult for her.

May she grow to make herself and us prouder of her each day...each year...forever. Love you to bits my little one.

A guest post I'd written recently...

As part of Vishy's attempt to capture various perspectives on "Returning to India".

http://ulaar.wordpress.com/2010/08/04/the-journey-from-one-home-to-another-guest-post/

You can keep going back to find more such stories by clicking on his newly launched category "R2IProfiles" on the right (or you can just go here).

Give it a read and let me know what you think...

Thinking of you and your creativity my child...

I am making new discoveries in you almost every day these days but just haven't had a chance to actually pen it all down. Here is what you have been upto over the last few months:

You graduated from pre-nursery (playschool) in March 2010. After which you've had 2 months of summer break during which you enjoyed visits from your Nana-Nani in April and your Aabu-Amma-Bua in May. With Nana and Nani, we went to ISKCON temple, Vidhan Soudha and Lalbagh garden in Bangalore. And with Aabu, Aama and Bua we went to Lalbagh garden again where you enjoyed long walks with your papa.

This was also the phase where you had taken to your Doodle-Pro and enjoyed scribbling, doodling and drawing on it. I think that was due to your previous nanny Pooja didi whom you like the most amongst all the nannies you've had to date. She used to enjoy drawing and I think got you hooked onto it as well. I remember discovering how in early April you were trying to copy strokes to actually draw something (instead of just doodling). One day mommy and papa showed you how to draw a fish and the next day, we saw you drawing it all by yourself! Here are your attempts:

A few weeks later, you were into completing some aspects of pics we would draw. For example, if I drew a face, you would draw the ears, bindi, eyes, mouth, even hair - basically whatever was missing. Until one day in May you drew a girl all by yourself! Oh how excited we all were...especially your Aabu and Bua since they are the most artistic ones in our family! Here is how your little doll's drawing looked:

And then you joined your new Montessori in early June. It has barely been 2 months since you joined but you seem to be learning so many things already that it is hard to keep up! Singing new songs, doing new dances is a norm these days. But what got the most oohs and aahs from me most recently is when you recognized certain alphabets and numbers all of a sudden just in the midst of playing. Like the other day, you were playing with an old foam alphabet-and-numbers puzzle that you've played with a million times now. But never before have you actually identified what you are fixing. So I did not think anything might have changed even now until I heard you asking "Where is number 1" this time. I started looking for the piece with number 1 on it and came across the letter I. I thought I can pass it off to you to calm you down but you actually shouted back exclaiming "This is not 1 mamma. This is I!!!" Took my breath away I tell ya!

Then the other day, we went to your cousin baby Aditya's naming ceremony over this last weekend (July 25 to be precise). At the end of that function, you were given lots of balloons to take home to play with. But guess what you did with them this time? That night at home, you asked for a pen and said I want to paint on the balloons mamma. I double checked asking you mean you want to draw/paint with a pen on this book? And you said no - you wanted to draw and paint on the balloon! And when I handed you a black sketch pen, you actually spent almost an hour drawing away on the balloon! You enjoyed it so thoroughly that you had your back towards the TV all the while when mommy and daddy enjoyed a noise free TV time - our first in ages! And when the sketchpen squeaked on the balloon, you remarked how it was making "choik choik" sound! Heehee! The session ended with the balloon bursting and you growing angry at it for bursting off and throwing the sketch pen under the couch :-) That didn't deter you though coz you had 8 more balloons in the house. So the next day you asked for the pen again and spent a good chunk of the afternoon "painting" not one but a bunch of 5 balloons tied together! By the end of each session you had black ink all over you but the joy I got trying to see your imagination at work was precious. You kept telling me what you were drawing...you kept your fingers and tried to sketch around them, drawing a smiley face on the balloon, just drawing a huge circle and coloring it within...all on the poor balloons :-) Here are some pics:

New Gen Kids

Kids say the funniest things. Listen to a conversation between 2 three-year-olds in our apartment complex. Let me quickly give you the context. The center of this incident is the little girl S (she is 3 years old) whose parents are friends of ours and who, like us, have moved back from the US a couple of years ago. S's daddy has traveled to the US for work a few times since moving back to India.

S (to her mom) : I want that stroller that baby A has (referring to a toy stroller with lights on the wheels)

Mom: I don't know where you get it S. Ask your friend A where she got it.

S (toA): Where did you get this baby stroller with lights?

A: I think Poona.

S (looking very disappointed): Oh. Do you get this in America?

A: I don't know, you may get it. Why?

S: No...if you get it in America, my daddy can buy it for me. Poona...I don't know.

ROFL!!! I was so amazed and amused at the same time when S's mom narrated this to me! See how our kids are turning out? To them, US seems more approachable from Bangalore than Poona :-)

Of viral infections and such...

We've had the worst few days in a while. Poor baby had to go through a new kind of viral infection in which her throat got badly inflamed and she had viral blisters under her tongue. So bad so that she could not even comprehend putting anything in her mouth due to the extreme pain she was in. Her favorite chocolates, cakes, chips, candy, soup, etc. were offered to her - not once but multiple times...and all she could do was stare at it for a bit and then fold and keep it away. My heart broke at a small child going through so much pain that she would want to eat her favorite things and ask for them but then would cry saying "chhaala" or "fever" and point to her mouth or throat and put it back. It started on Wednesday night and by Thursday afternoon when the fever refused to subside with Crocin syrup, I called the pediatrician. He advised administering 6ml of Ibugesic Plus every 8 hours for the fever and throat pain she was complaining of and wait it for a day or two before bringing her in. But by Friday, things just did not seem to be improving and with her not eating or even drinking anything, I took her to the pediatrician for an examination.

He checked and declared that no antibiotics will help as it is a viral infection. The first thing I remember him asking me is "What are you most worried about". Coz if anything, he asked me to be prepared for it to get worse before it gets better. He said to leave her alone if she does not eat or drink too much, don't force anything except offer warm liquids often (such as warm water, soup, dal, rice water, etc.) and keep administering Ibugesic Plus every 8 hours to help in her pain and fever. If needed, we can supplement with Crocin after 4 hours or so as well. But he prepared me mentally to say she will be worst when she wakes up coz her throat will be like sandpaper. She will probably have body ache, headache or eyes will hurt etc. She will lose weight and be ill for a week. Gosh my jaw dropped when I heard that there was nothing we could do to ease her pain or reduce the misery. It had to take its course. When we went home, she just got worse by evening as a new blister under her tongue that I had not seen before was really really troubling her. She could not bear the pain and cried constantly holding her mouth. Poor thing didn't know what it was and kept referring to it as "chhilka" (instead of chhala). That Friday evening was the worst as I had 2 meetings that I could not get out of and one of them was my 1:1 with the boss. When he heard me talking on the phone with her crying in my lap, he was instantly so supportive and first of all joked about it saying "Whoa! How many participants do we have on the call today" And when I explained she was ill, he sympathized and asked "Do you think we can talk"? I said we could until she let us which was long enough for us to have a meaningful conversation. So that was good. But later that night, she just got worse with the pain in her chhala. The fact that she kept complaining of the pain and wouldn't do anything but hold her mouth and cry, we applied the Smyle gel on it thinking it will help her (obviously after consulting with the ped). But that seemed to hurt her even more and she started kicking her legs and throwing her hands in pain! Gosh - I have never seen the poor child in so much pain ever! We panicked thinking why is she acting abnormal and worriedly called the doc to ask which hospital should we rush her to. But thankfully, after I made her rinse her mouth and get rid of the gel, she calmed down a little. Still didn't eat or drink but atleast stopped writhing in pain. Poor child did not sleep a wink that entire night! She just sat with me and watched Dora on TV or wanted to play or read books, etc. Whenever she saw anyone on TV or in the books eating anything, she would ask for the same thing. And when I offered it to her, she would just cry saying "fever hai" or "chhilka". Worst was when she asked for a chocolate (which in good health is the last thing she would resist) and when I gave an entire bar of Dairy Milk to her, she just opened it, started at it for a long time and then wrapped it up and gave it back to me with tears in her eyes. That was my worst moment ever when she wanted to eat stuff she loves and couldn't gather up the courage to coz of the immense pain. Even with water, she was thirsty but when given water, she could not even take a sip. Would just keep bringing the glass to her mouth and then stop. She would take me to the kitchen repeatedly that night, ask for water, and hold the glass and cry. She would not be able to lie down horizontal on the bed and sleep coz even that would aggravate her pain. So finally at 6:30am I somehow convinced her to go inside and slept sitting up holding her onto me. Thankfully she woke up a little more cheerful at around 10am and things started getting better on Saturday with her being able to eat very tiny bites of food and sip on warm water. We started giving her warm water with GluconD so that she can atleast start regaining some energy in her system. By Sunday it was thankfully much better. Thankfully Friday night was the worst of it and it didn't get any worse as we feared. Oh Thank God!!! Touchwood! It is always painful to see your child in pain but to see her heartbroken along with it coz she could not eat or drink even though she wanted to was just double the trauma for me. I remember explaining to her that night about how God gives pain to everyone in life. It is a part of life so that we learn the value of happiness and learn how to bear pain and come out stronger. I told her how mommy also had pain ("boo") when she was a little baby and how her mommy was so worried about her. The child just sat and listened amidst her tears that night but she did narrate some of it back the next morning so hopefully she did understand what I was trying to explain to her.

BTW that night also reminded me of the long sleepless nights we had when she was just born and somehow made me wonder whether I am ready to do this all over again :-) I guess I am...if not for anything, for her own sake. I would like her to have a sibling in life. Ah...maybe someday...For now, I just hope I get your share of pain and misery my child and may you never have to go through such agony again.

Oh and I just realized that I have written about another time when she had had

a viral infection but she was a lot younger then. Seems like the docs in the US and

here in India had nothing too different to advise, which is very reassuring in a

strange kind of way :-) I will post about her recent battle with bladder infection

too at some point so that I remember the details and can help other moms or kids

going through it. That was traumatic coz for the longest time, we did not have a

diagnosis of her pain so it was quite frustrating for us to see her go through the

pain without knowing whats wrong and how to treat it.

Poll Time

Ok people - please provide me your honest opinions on this childcare issue that has been a lot on my mind lately. For a 2 yr 9 month old toddler who is not too fond of leaving mommy all day long and is generally a shy personality in public (a naughty brat at home or amongst close friends though), what would you personally prefer as a childcare arrangement while mommy is away at work:

• Daycare?
• Maid at Home?
• Combination of Both?
• Not Sure

Please use the poll I have created on the right navigation bar here and send me your detailed thought process behind your vote in the comments section if possible. I have had lot of issues finding the right maid for my little girl and have gone through atleast 6 of them in the last 6 months. Each had their pros and cons and I have even tried daycare which has its pros and cons too. But am unable to make up my mind on what I prefer more - her comfort of being in her own home with a maid I may or may not trust or her discomfort of being outside of her familiar surroundings at a day care but with caregivers I may grow to trust. Get the picture? I think most of you working moms go through this and figure out what works for your family the best. I am trying to work it out at present with a lot of different options that I have either tried already or want to try without upsetting her too much. Sigh...the dilemma!

A little bit of this and that...

Do any of you have issues with the blogroll on your blogs not updating with the latest articles? If you notice carefully, the blogroll that I have on the right, that is supposed to be showing all the blogs I frequent often with titles of the most recent articles, has stopped updating all of a sudden. It used to be that earlier I would just go to my blog and see which of you have written new posts and gladly catch up right away. But now I have to actually go into each blog and see if there are any new posts or not. Annoying behavior by blogger.com I must say. Anybody else out there noticing this bug? Any ideas on how to fix this?

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On a different note, got an award from newmumontheblock a few days ago. And thank god you posted it in my comments to come and collect it, coz with my blogroll acting the way I just described, I would never have known that you have it posted out there for me to collect :-)

Thanks a lot newmum! I write so little compared to other moms out there in the blogosphere so to get noticed and praised by some of you readers makes each such award so much more precious to me!

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Read this article a few days ago on TOI and was so inspired by it coz it says almost what I have always wanted to do for so long. I am now very tempted to go invest in a sewing machine and do some itsy bitsy tailoring myself by reusing some very good dupattas and stuff I have stashed away. I remember making dresses for my doll when I was a kiddo and do so much more in the arts and crafts area - thanks to my wonderful mom who got me interested in it. I want to pass on the same gene to my daughter as well so one of these days will definitely restart in that area if possible :-) Do give this article a read and let me know what other ideas come to your mind. I for one have a bag for my tailor ready to cut short some long kurtas I have from salwar suits stiched over 5 years ago. Times change so quickly na - then it used to be all about wearing long kurtas and now it is back to short kurtis and tights (Mumtaz style all over again). I never used to care for all these fashion changing cycles until I was in the US coz I was all about jeans and trousers then. But now, being in India, and especially working in India makes me want to not stand out in the crowd you know what I mean? I'll stick like a sore thumb if I wear all those age old long salwar suits to work now :-) Not that I am comfortable wearing salwar suits to work anyway coz have never done that in the last 11 years of my work life...was always wearing trousers or skirts or something non-Indian. But I do need to do something with all those suits sitting in my wardrobe you know! So dear readers, do give that article a read and send more ideas my way. Would love to hear abt your creative sides. Or you can also tell me where to shop for corporate wear here in Bangalore. I am still wearing clothes I owned from the US but sooner or later will need to buy Indian na :-)

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Just read this post by Preeti and can soooo empathize with her (having gone through similar maid related nightmares myself as of late). Just thinking of it makes me exhausted, forget about typing all of it. All I can say is - nothing is permanent and especially NOT in the childcare department! The poor child has to go through so many changes in such an early age, thankfully they are so adaptable or else we, our lives, our happiness, careers, everything would go for such a toss! We are on to our third maid in the last 5 months (for babysitting) and that too after giving daycare an honest try. Sigh! Does this ever settle down?

My First Tag!

Yup - have had my first blogging award and now my first tag ever from NewMumOntheBlock! Now I feel like I truly belong to the blogging world...yay! So here I go telling the world about 7 random things about myself...those interested in listening do read on...others - sorry to subject you to such random nonsense about me :-)

First, the rules:

1. You have to tag seven people

2. You have to link their pages in your tag post

3. You have to leave a comment in their comments section telling them they've been tagged.

4. You have to say who tagged you.

1. I am not fond of chocolates or ice-creams. And every single time I mention that to anyone, I hear a huge gasp and it never fails to amuse me. But that's the truth...somehow I always wonder what is it about chocolate that makes the world melt. I do like cold drinks (mostly non healthy sodas like Thumbsup) and desserts such as gulab jamuns and besan laddus though.


2. I have always longed for a perfect hair cut for myself. I sigh when I see others walking with such perfect looking haircuts and I go with pictures to each recommended salon/stylist explaining what I want. But yet I end up with something not even close to what I imagined and always end up wondering if there is anything that can be done with boring straight hair.


3. Having a child has not only changed everything in my life but also changed me as a person. It just has made me look at the world with a new pair of eyes, think with an entirely new perspective and has made me develop a new found respect for so many types of people and situations now that it is unimaginable.


4. I feel like I am a mix of an extrovert as well as an introvert as a person. I am generally wary of walking into a room full of strangers and striking captivating conversations but on the other hand, am absolutely comfortable in reaching out to strangers one on one if needed and connecting to them. Wierd right?


5. I like the idea of being creative :-) I mean I think I am a little creative in life (thanks to my mom who taught me tonnes of things such as fabric painting, nib painting, embroidery, knitting etc. and who inculcated all this interest in me) but given our day to day lives, I hardly find time or the drive to keep it alive. Hence my statement - I like the 'idea' of being creative. I have a whole storage shelf full of 'arts and crafts' stuff to inspire me but when I really sit down to doing it, I run out of ideas :( I still try...and there are good phases now and then in the hobby area but very few and far between (especially after having a child).


6. I love Shahrukh Khan. Loved him since his good old days of TV shows like Fauji, Circus and then when he came to movies like Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa and especially his bestest of the best - DDLJ. I remember going to the theater three times to watch DDLJ in my college days. That itself is a huuuuuge deal for me since I am not much of a movie person and haven't been to the theater for over 2 years now.


7. I love rain (and rainy weather). Most people find days when it is cloudy, windy or rainy depressing. But I just love that climate - has a very romantic appeal to me. This morning was one such really romantic weather type day. I came to office with a smile on my face full of energy and ideas. While some people preferred to stay in their blankets and cuddle up in the coziness just a little longer, I was buzzing with energy and happiness.

There you go! I am probably so horribly late at doing this tag but better late than never right? My next task is to tag 7 other bloggers with this tag but my problem is I don't even know if I know 7 bloggers that well. Anyways guys - if you haven't done this tag already, pls feel free to take it up - Mindful Meanderer, Priyanka, Preeti, Nithya, Jyoti, HVP, Chitra.

My baby is growing up

Since I have become so random in recording N's milestones after she turned 2, I thought I should atleast capture some of the really cute things going on in her world these days:

1). Baby Language

She has been singing nursery rhymes since she was almost 2 years of age. Those were the times when she had some really cute 'baby' pronunciations when she sang. For example:

'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' was sung as

'Chinkau Chinkau Little Chtar'

Now that she is 2yrs 7 months, I can see so much of that baby language fading away. Part of me feels good that she is growing but a bigger part of me really feels sad that my little baby is growing into a big girl now. She will no longer be only mommy's little baby anymore :( Infact, now a days when I sing Chinkau Chinkau, she corrects me to say 'No mamma - Tinkual Tinkual Little Star'! Feel so good that she is still not there yet and still has such cute ways to pronounce certain words. Like when she was a little younger, crocodile was pronounced as cocokiiiile. But now when I say cocokile, she corrects me to say 'No No - cocodile'. Also when she had just learnt her colors (which I don't honestly remember was how long ago), when asked which color a certain object was, she used to say 'blue colors' pronouncing 'colors' as 'colorchh'. Every color ended with 'colors'. Now no more :( When asked which color is this, all she says is 'blue', or 'red' or whatever color. Lost the cute chubby way of saying 'colorchh'.

2). Artist in the Growing?

The little girl has developed a sudden love towards drawing. Give her a pen and a paper or even better - a DoodlePro and she is seen all settled happily on the floor for a long time drawing away either narrating stories while drawing or constantly trying to perfect something she is learning to draw. So far she had been doodling away mostly drawing circles of different sizes and scribbling in general. But the other day, I actually saw her attempting to draw what looked like a fish. So me and hubby got interested and encouraged her, even drew one up to show her how to draw it and immediately she copied our strokes and managed drawing her first fish! We got sooooo excited that she is now trying to intentionally imitate strokes and actually draw something by either copying our strokes or using her imagination! I even got up and clicked a few pics from my phone to record the moment. Since then she has gone on to learn drawing what she calls 'Dora's eyes' (which is really a pair of eyes), a smiley face and today when she drew up a smiley face on the DoodlePro and I asked her where is smiley's hair, she actually drew up his hair on the head!!! She does know how to translate her visuals into sketches now coz later I saw her draw a dot on the smiley's forehead and say 'this is his kumkum ok?' (she refers to bindi as kumkum).

3). Picking up a new language

Hindi. So far even though we spoke Hindi, English and Konkani at home, she had picked up only English and used only that language in all her communication with everyone. Lately though, thanks to our new maid who spends most of her day with N and talks to her in Hindi, N has started conversing in Hindi pretty well. I had been singing Hindi and English rhymes to her but she had not really picked up the Hindi ones as much. But now she sings 'Machhli Jal ki Rani Hai' to perfection and with actions!

4). Clothes and accessories

The saga about being determined to pick her own clothes continues as I had already talked about previously here. And not just once or twice, there are days when she wants to change what she is wearing almost 4 times a day. Oh and she has her favorites that she can live in day after day after day. One of them (her orange shirt and orange chhota (i.e. half) pant) is so battered that I actually hid it away and the poor thing has been asking for it every single day. I have tried different ways of convincing her that I gave it away to a small baby or a pigeon took it away but my heart breaks when she says 'I am very sad...I want my orange shirt and orange chhota pant' :( I am still trying to convince her that remember mommy gave it away to the baby? We will ask your nani to bring a new orange shirt and orange pant for you. Jeez! And the demand for bangles and shoes is also never ending. The thing that she should be into, but is not, is doing up her hair. She refuses anything in her hair - no clips or rubber-bands or hair bands or any hair accessories for her.

5). Office ka kaam (Meaning: Office Work)

She is finally getting used to seeing mommy going to office now or doing 'office ka kaam' from home. So when I don't work on my laptop at the home office and am doing it from the couch at times, she comes and asks me why I am not doing it from the office ka table. Or why am I not talking on the phone using the headset! She even pretends at times to work away on my laptop and says 'shh..don't disturb me. I am in a meeting' or 'I am doing office ka kaam like mamma'.

6). Sudden love for her soft toys and Dora - the doll

As long as her tummy is full, she is not really longing for or clinging to mamma these days. If she is not doodling or drawing on her DoodlePro, I see her spending a long time doing pretend play with her soft toys and Dora the doll. She talks to them just as I talk to her, puts them to sleep, does oil massage to them, takes them to the park and what not. Infact tonight was the first night ever that she actually took her Krishna soft toy to bed! Now you have to remember that she has never been into any kind of a lovey toy and prefers sucking her thumb or holding my hair while going to sleep. But today she actually hugged her friend Krishna tightly and even took my hand away from her waist. After a while she probably felt bad for me and said 'Are you falling down? Come' and hugged me with one hand and Krishna with the other and just fell asleep like that. My sweet sweet little angel - knock on wood! Oh and prior to all this, she had put her Dora doll to sleep by asking her 'Are you feeling cold? Come I will give you a blanket' and she nicely wrapped up the little doll in one of her blankets and put her to sleep on the living room floor. Oh and please note - she has played with her doll so much lately that the legs have been seperated and now it is just the upper part of her body that she carries around town these days :-) She carries Dora the doll to the park in the evenings so that when a friend of hers asks her whether she can share the swing, our smart little N has an answer ready - that she is already sharing the swing with Dora!!!

7). Blocks and her imagination

She has suddenly started taking interest in blocks and builds things based on what she sees around her or what she imagines. Making a tower or a house is become a pretty common sight but today she actually used a white, red and blue block, covered it with another blue block, topped it with a red block for the light and called it her ambulance! She somehow recollects (god knows from where) that an ambulance has only red, white and blue colors and a red light on top. Interesting stuff ain't it? :-)

Graduation Day at School

I can't believe that I haven't had time to write about little N's first stage performance and the proud mamma moment when my little one "graduated" from her pre-nursery class (her first playschool that is). March 13, 2010 was an emotional day for us as we watched our little one perform on stage (to the "bits of paper" nursery rhyme) for the first time in her life and then actually doing the convocation walk to accept her degree certificate for her first year of school.

In my mind it was just a playschool that she went to all this while and I had enrolled her there mostly for her to socialize and interact with kids her age and have a good time. But when they actually graduate like this, our hearts well up with joy and pride reliving how much she and we have gone through to get her this far. I remember those early unsure days when I just admitted her there - she was just 1 year 9 months when she started and I used to attend with her for the entire 3 hours each day to get her to adjust and like the place. This went on for almost 3 weeks until we finally cut the chord and let her be by herself. Ofcourse she cried, ofcourse she wanted mamma but she settled down eventually and realized that the teachers there are not going to bite her nor are the other kids :-) Infact after a few months, she actually looked forward to go to her 'Meera auntie' and 'Mohini auntie' and 'Smita auntie' and happily used to recite every nursery rhyme or song or prayer they sang at school. The fact that I could completely trust these ladies who ran this place almost like a second home for kids was a huge step in my life as a mom too. I could finally trust my child with someone other than family and look forward to having 3 hours to my disposal doing 'non child' stuff :-) Not to mention the wonderful changes we saw in our little one after settling down there. She being a shy kinds suddenly opened up beautifully and her vocabulary improved amazingly as she picked up English quite fast! Now suddenly all she knew was English (instead of Hindi or Konkani that we speak at home).

In any case, I think re-living the last year and going through all the stuff me and little N have gone through just brought out tears in my eyes when I saw her graduating from this foundational year in her life. I am sure we will thank Meera and Mohini auntie for years to come for making the first year of N's school life such a wonderful experience! As they say in their school - "God bless mummy, god bless daddy, god bless teacher, god bless me!!!"

First Blogging Award!

Yayy...participated in the first blogging contest ever and won my first blogging award too. Thanks to Shruti of Mindful Meanderings whose creativity constantly inspires me to try and do more. Here's what she passed along

Which ofcourse means I'd want to pass it on to all of you readers too. So here's to all of you readers and contributors who have made this new hobby of mine (blogging) such a pleasure.

Baby Love

Just can't get these words out of my head today. My heart is gushing with so much love for my dear little baby today that I don't have the words to describe it. These are the only words that come close. So here's to my baby...the one who came in my life and filled me with this ocean of love and taught me sooooo much more than I ever knew in the past 30 years of living it myself...

You fill up my senses...

Like a night in a forest,

Like the mountains in springtime,

Like a walk in the rain....

Like a storm in the desert,

Like a sleepy blue ocean.

You fill up my senses...

Come fill me again!

'Twas a huge milestone for my little one yesterday - she went to a daycare for the first time yesterday (Feb 16, 2010). And after all the knowledge of how it is so good for them and stuff, how it will teach them to be independent, eat by themselves, etc. - the day you actually leave your child in the daycare for the first time and walk away, I tell you...it hurts like never before...almost like you left your soul behind. I could not stop crying for the entire 1.5 hours that she was there and just kept visualizing her cry for mommy when I was stepping out. She was sitting in a ball pit quietly playing with a child when I went to pick her up but I was the one who had it worse...the one who could just not forgive herself for putting her child through this. God!!! Why does baby love have to be sooooooo strong! Why does it have to be so hard? Why does it feel like a part of my heart is torn away each time I see a tear shed by her?

Sigh...I know it gets easier. Today already was. She wanted to be fed lunch by me (like yesterday) and then an hour later, let me go without a tear. And when I came back to pick her up, saw her eating her raisins from her snack box in the room with everyone else. Will never forget how she ran to me saying "I ate chhota kishmish and biiiiiiiiig kishmish". God bless her and let me NOT jinx myself or her by writing about it. Touchwood. Kalatikka. So I was saying I know it gets easier, but after being the only constant rock in her life for the past 2.5 years, after being with her day in and day out for the past 1.5 years, after her trusting me more than anyone else who loves her (including her papa), separation does get harder than ever. It probably would have not been this hard if I had not given up the job and stayed at home. The separation for the job hours would have continued matter-of-factly instead of this huge deal that it now seems. The mommy-baby love is stronger than most forms of love is what I am beginning to learn...and to let the baby think even for a moment that this person whom I trust blindly, is leaving me all alone to fend for myself in this big bag world - is NOT a good feeling to deal with. Yesterday I cried thinking that the little one will never trust me again when I told her that I'm coming in 5 minutes and then disappeared for an hour. (But then today I did not lie anymore...told her I am going to office and will come back and get her. She said ok and was happy to say goodbye as long as the teacher gave her a chocolate :-)). Also then some of my friends put some sense in my baby-love struck brain that this is what we do for getting them used to school as well right? Then this is no different - it will be good for them in the long run. So don't kill yourselves over it. Sigh - so much easier said than done :(

Girls will be girls!

My little baby girl is not even 2.5 years old and she has already started demonstrating such girliness that I just had to write about it. Adorable girly stuff she has started doing lately:

• Picking her own clothes from her cupboard. She insists we carry her to raise her up to the top shelf in her cupboard so that she can look at all her clothes and decide what she wants to wear today! Gosh - she even knows the difference between her 'ghar ka shirt' and 'bahar ka shirt', 'ghar ka pant' and 'bahar ka pant' (clothes to be worn at home v/s clothes to be worn when you go out). I was shocked the first time she started doing this but now she does it consistently - does not wear anything unless she has picked it out herself. Sometimes goes through 2 or 3 changes until she is satisfied with what she has worn :-)))

• She has always loved dancing when there is music but these days observes every song on TV while she is busy moving to the music AND IMITATES each step she sees in the song!!! I am sure she has taken after me here...I used to dance to my heart's content in front of the radio when I was around 2 holding my frock or a particular red color maxi I remember I had. So her dancing is not something I'm surprised with...it is her imitating the steps that amazes me. I have seen 7 or 8 year old girls do it but one who is barely 2.5? BTW you do know what this means right...that we struggle to find the remote to change channels every time there is an item number going on!!! And sure enough she hates it if you change the song she was so busy dancing on :-)

• She is so much into shoes and more than shoes, chappals that it is amazing. We bought her first pair of blue flip-flops in Dec. when she was 2 yrs and 4 months and she did not want to take them off 24/7. Since then we have opened another pretty pair of pink flip flops that my friend G had sent from the US and oh how she adores them. She refuses to step out of her bed without them...refuses to keep them back in the shoe rack...wakes up and the first thing she asks us is "where is my pink color chappal with pretty pretty stone?" And due to this, she has now learnt the difference between shoes, sandals and chappals. And also has her own 'ghar ka chappal' and 'bahar ka sandal'. She even notices what every other child her age wears and if she likes their flip-flops - she insists she wants them NOW! Even in winter, she refuses to wear socks anymore so that she can walk around in her pretty pretty pink color chappal ! Thanks G :-) if you are reading this! (Am posting a pic of hers posing in the pink chappal she loves)

• She compliments us on what we wear and even picks out our clothes and shoes sometimes. I have noticed sometimes when I change clothes, she goes "wow mama you wore a pink color dress. You are looking so nice in the new new pink color dress!" Or when we are going out she will bring my shoes and say "mama wear your bahar ka shoes like me". And god only save me if I decide to wear a chappal while she is wearing shoes! Or if I decide to wear shoes if she is wearing chappal! Same goes for Papa too! When papa is done with his morning shower, sometimes she stands in front of his cupboard and tells him what color shirt he should wear. If he wears something she picks, she compliments him with a "Nice". Oh and when I change out of my night clothes to drop her to school, she insists she wants to wear the exact same color dress as mama! Oh god - dressing her up is a huge project these days - and she is not even into jewelery or makeup yet. I have not even pierced the little child's ears yet...don't even want to think what will happen then :-)

Whatever it is...I find all of this sooooo cute and endearing. It is amazing to see how much they observe and absorb at such a young age. I can tell her stories about how her friends tie a rubber band and convince her to tie her hair at times too. That is also how she started wearing the only piece of ornament she wears - her two silver bangles. Only coz a few of her friends and a cousin wears them :-)

Kids can be soooo understanding

Ever since I posted my last entry on this blog ranting about how difficult it was to get N settled with her new nanny, things have actually taken a turn to be much much better. Touchwood! Touchwood! Touchwood (please do not jinx me or N on this ever!). I have realized that once again my child has taught me to be patient and not expect miracles in a day. Yet at the same time, she has made me realize that they can be very mature, understanding and responsible if that is what life demands out of them. I needed her to co-operate, to stop making mommy feel so bad accepting a full time job (even though it is for mommy's sake right now) and to please let someone else take mommy's place for a few hours every day while I go out and satisfy the other side of me as a person - the side other than loving being a mom...the side that wants to satisfy the itch of having a great career knowing that staying at home and spending great quality time with my little one, although has been a lot of fun, I will never be able to forgive myself if I do not atleast try doing other things I want to do in life as well. So after I realized that maybe N was missing having mommy all to herself and was a little angry at pushing her towards the nanny a little bit now and then, I backed off and gave her all the love and mommy time she wanted for a week. Plus she had her aabu (grandpa) visiting that week too so she loved all the time and attention from him as well. She happily trotted to school every morning with him and even came back home with him. While all these months she has never gone to school with anyone else but mommy. So after the one week of a reset and providing her all the mommy time she needs and having the nanny around at home as well, she probably felt secure enough to venture towards her and start playing happily with her. I could hear squeals of delight when the nanny entertained her in her silly games and used to thank god for those moments of happiness seeing them bonding together.

Then one night a few days before N's grandpa was leaving, I had a heart-to-heart conversation with her. BTW nights are the best times to have a good talk to her...she is actually listening and most times she also tells me a lot about her day at school and other things at night when I am putting her to sleep. So here's bits and pieces of how our conversation went that night:

Me: N, when papa goes to office, do you cry?

N: No.

Me: So when mommy goes to office, will you cry?

N: No. I will not cry when mommy goes to office.

N: And I will not cry when aabu goes to Bombay. (this part surprised me and my hubby as we never expected her to even realize that her grandpa is not here for good and that he is only visiting. This sentence came totallly unprompted as we had not even planned his return travel yet...but she just knew he'd leave some day to go back to his home in Bombay!)

Me: (Hugging and kissing her tightly) Good girl N. I will come back from office and play with you. Will you please come home from school with D auntie (her nanny) and eat mum mum (lunch) with her?

N: Yes.

And volla! Since then, she has actually done as she promised. The day after her grandpa left, I walked her to school and while saying goodbye, told her that mommy will go to office and would she not cry and go home with D auntie and eat mum mum (lunch) and do ta ta (sleep)? She nodded her yes. And with a heavy heart I left home around the time she was supposed to come home and stayed outdoors for 3 hours. When I got back I found her playing with the nanny. She saw me enter, squealed with delight, jumped on me and made me fall, hugged me so tight and said "Mommy you came back from office? I did not cry"!!! Now how can this not make me melt down to the floor!!!??? So I spent the rest of my day all in love with the wonderfully co-operative child. And followed the same 'going to office' routine the rest of the week. The second day I found her sleeping when I got home. The third day I found her actually done with the nap and actually starting to drink her evening milk with the nanny. And each time she greeted me with such joy that it just made my heart melt even more. But I secretly thanked god for one good step ahead each day and realized that my child just needed reassurance that mommy wasn't going away leaving her with the nanny. Thank god for miracles like these. It is just the moments when she hugs me tight and says things like "Thank you for coming back from office" that make me re-think if I am really doing the right thing...

Oh well...I guess I wouldn't know until I actually try it out once. I will give it my best shot and then decide if this really is for me anymore or are my days of having an actual career (not just a job) are over for a long long while now.

N and her new ways (with the new Nanny)

Hellllllllllp! Just when I thought I am beginning to get a good handle on how to raise my child...and just when I started thinking this is a piece of cake...let's have another one - she has decided to test my patience to the limits. I shudder to think of how I lose it at times and wonder if her own mom can get so worked up...what will the nanny do when I am away at work? Ugh!!! Gives me the chills. The child of mine is almost 2yrs 5 months now and has decided to be her most difficult self these days. Dunno if that is just the terrible twos now kicking in or the slight lifestyle change where I am trying to detach her from me and get her used to a nanny. Whatever it is - I seriously need your input.

She refuses to go for a bath on most days, refuses to go pee even when it is past 4 hours and refuses to go for a nap at her usual time. Like today she finally went for her nap at 5pm in the evening! Her normal time used to be 2pm on most days and latest by 3:30pm. She used to wake up around 5 or 5:30, drink her milk and go down to the park in the evenings. These days her entire schedule is out for a toss. Also these days she's going through a viral bug where she is coughing and has a runny nose. Doc advises steaming but she refuses to do even that. Its scary to see my shy and timid child turn into this 'shouting monster' who shouts NO when being told to do steaming, or go for a bath or take her nap even. Ooohhh please please help! What do I do when my patience has reached its limits??? :( I do not believe in spanking...her only punishment is a time-out in the balcony.

BTW I do believe part of it is coz she is getting a lot of attention and love from this new nanny whom she adores as long as they are playing. But the moment the nanny tries her to get to eat or bathe, lil N snaps back at her and either comes to me wailing or just becomes very stubborn. I wonder how the nanny will deal with N if I am away full time at work.

Edited to Add: The next morning was worse with me waking up ill (with a flu) and having to send her to school with the nanny. I think both she and I broke down at this point - she believing that mommy has totally abandoned her and I seeing her heart break so badly. So we both broke down and cried to our heart's content. Surprisingly though, things got much better after that. I resolved to be there for her a little longer and stop pushing her so hard. She too reciprocated the love and is behaving like her well mannered self all over again. Whew! Thank God it is a new day and things have come back to normal in our household. After speaking to a few friends who have been through this ordeal, they have asked me to give her a week and go gradually. She will get used to not having mommy 24 x 7 and let the nanny do things for her eventually. So I will give it a more patient and genuine try now and try not to lose my patience. I think my friend SBJ (read comments) hit the nail on the head - the biggest thing I should always keep in mind when I am impatient with N is...how would I like the nanny to deal with a similar situation when I am away.

In any case, thank god I can see much more clearly now the rain is gone...la la la :-) Sigh...I think it was just a bad Wednesday & Thursday filled with lots of 'Mama Guilt' ! Thanks dear friends for all your words of wisdom. And I love you my lil N...you have taught me so much in such a short time. Please know that I will be there for you ALWAYS as long as I am alive...and if possible even after that.

This happens only in India!

A holiday declared for most playschools and even some high schools on Friday for what? Coz of the solar eclipse from 11am to 3pm!!! I mean what are the working parents supposed to do if they don't have a nanny or parents at home? Are they also supposed to take off from work coz of the eclipse!!!??? Not that I am working right now but what if I did? Just makes me wanna smile and hum the tune "this happens only in India" :-)

Moving On to the New Year

Just a random post to pour out all that I have been feeling lately...

• Ever since I got back home to Bangalore after a month long trip from my brother's wedding, things seem quite changed with most of my friends in town. Seems like everyone has moved on to pursue things in life that they always wanted to. Its all for their good ofcourse but it just seems like so much has hapenned in the one month I was away. One of my friends & neighbor bought a new home (which ofcourse means she will be moving away soon), two of my friends got pregnant with a second one (and sadly both of them lost the babies too), one of them got out and got a job (which means she is less available during the day) and another one is looking to pursue some kind of an educational course to get back to work. This gave me lots of inspiration and the push I needed to get out in the job market myself. Just seems like all of us who have been at home during the transitional period to settle down in Bangalore have now decided to move on.
• So I started 2010 with a resolution that this is the year I will take the next big step in my life - either have a second kid or buy a home for ourselves or get back to my career that I gave up almost a year ago (since we moved back from the US). So that is my resolution - to move on to the next step in life and get all the support structure needed around me to support this move.
• Hence I am currently in the market for a full time cook cum nanny for my kiddo. Just like I had in the US. And I tell you it is hard...very hard to find someone you can trust your child and your home to. I am trying out different maids almost every other day. I am also evaluating day-cares as another option but am a little hesitant sending little N to one at this stage. Knowing her, we as parents believe she will be most comfortable at her own home. I really hope and pray I find someone as trustworthy as I had in the US. How I wish I could call that nanny over to India and have her live with us! If you don't know who I am talking about, see here and here.
• My plan is to settle little N down with either a nanny or a day-care and get back to work in the next month or so. Any tips or ideas anyone? How have you stepped out of home with a little one around? I mean I had gone back to work right after she turned 3 months but that was in the US and that too once I found a nanny I could trust. I think it is easier to trust someone there than in India coz of the laws and traceability system there. The quality of maids I am finding here is not comparable to what I had there and the Montessori schools I like do not have on-campus day-cares here. So what did you mommies who moved back to India do? What if I get a job I really like but it requires some travel? And worse - what if they require travel abroad (even if it is once or twice a year)? What do you guys do then?