Just an update

Just stopping by to post a quick update and say thanks to all the well wishers who left comments on my previous post here. So given that it has been 4 weeks now since lil N started going to daycare, I am finally pleased to see that she has warmed up to her caretakers and other kids there and is happy going to school and daycare now. We had decided not to call it daycare just so that she does not compartmentalize things...we still call it school coz it is the same place she stays back at...just the teacher changes. So she went from not liking her daycare teacher to now actually saying that she likes her and her school teacher as well and her 'akkas' there too. And that now she is a big girl and likes going to school. My heart swelled with pride when I heard that the first time and I sent a silent prayer to the Almighty for making her such a sweetheart and for giving me the strength to not give up.

Like Rohini says...kids really are more resilient than what we give them credit for at times. Thank you god and touchwood...kala tikka...whatever it takes to keep this going.

A Lot of Mixed Emotions

A lot has been going on in our lives lately regarding the child-care arrangement front so haven't even had the time or mindset to jot down all the emotions. Just felt like penning down some thoughts today so that I can read them again when I am confronted with mixed emotions such as this morning.

So our full time live-in maid has disappeared after a long stint of 7 months at our home. She told us one fine Friday evening (on Jan 14 to be precise) that she is going to her 'gaaon' (i.e. village) on Sunday. We actually stopped everything we were doing and even switched off the TV to give her full attention coz obviously we couldn't believe what we just thought we heard. We really thought this was one of her moods when she was a little homesick and wanted to go visit her mom. She often used to say that but more so jokingly and when asked if she was really serious, she used to say 'no no - I will only go after a year or so and will make sure I give you enough notice so that N is not stranded without a 'didi' suddenly'. So when she actually said this that evening, I initially brushed it off until she said it again and that's when I switched off the TV with utter disbelief! But turns out, she had to go since her mom had called for whatever unexplained reason (some death in the family though we suspect the real story was totally different) and that she will be back in 10 days. So calls to the agency were maid, replacement was asked for but obviously none could be provided in one day and so with no time for us to react or think straight, we asked her to leave on Sat night itself since we had plans with friends for Sunday and were not going to be home but more than that, we wanted N to have one full day without her on Sunday so that it sinks in and she does not feel deserted all of a sudden on Monday when mommy and daddy will also not be around. So that was that. N cried and asked her to not go....I cried coz I still could not believe she was gone that fast and most of all I cried coz my heart went out to N...she loved her 'didi' so and had come to a good routine and stability with her sticking around more than any other previous nanny had.

After she left, I made a decision not to see N like that any more. We were not going to get any replacement nanny or didi for her after this and have her go through this heartache again when she left. This was not a permanent arrangement and I did not want N to pine for her 'favorite didi' time and time again. Believe me, she still asks for the didi who worked at our place before this one and still believes she will come back one day. So I decided that was it and we were just going to give day care a whole hearted shot this time. No more maids...no more dependency...no more bitterness or N's heartache when they leave at the drop of a hat...nothing. So come Monday, I spoke to her Montessori where she goes since they have a daycare that they just started this year. We packed her off to the Montessori as usual and I decided to pick her up at 2:30pm instead of the usual 1:00pm. She being a very gradual kind of a child, I did not have the heart to keep her at the daycare until 5pm from day 1. So we gradually stretched her day there a little by little at a time and finally after 2 weeks, we reached a point where she got picked up at 5. She did not eat lunch there for the first 2 days since she said she wanted mommy to feed her...once we tackled that...we took on the napping task. She did not nap there for 2 weeks but has finally been napping there for the last 2 days. Now next is the evening milk...she refuses to drink it there coz she wants mommy to feed it to her. We are doing really tiny baby steps...one thing at a time. I am a very soft hearted mommy that way. I cannot see my child even wince in sorrow...forget about cry. And the sad part is that I know she cries a little every day at 1pm when other mommies pick up their kids she does not get picked up any more. She was used to a routine where she and her best friend A would get dropped to school together every morning by her dad and A's mommy (our friend B) would pick her and A up every afternoon at 1 so they would enjoy coming home together. Now when A got up and left at 1, she had tears in her eyes for the first 2 weeks and I felt terrible inside for making her go through this. But gradually it has improved and there have been days when she has told me proudly that she did not cry at all in school. What I am observing these days is that even though she hates getting ready to go to school now (she cries almost every morning that she does not want to go), when I pick her up, she is a happy child. She tells me all that she did and is very glad when I reward her with a candy or something for being a good girl at school. I know in my heart of heart that this setup is the best for her but when she cries each morning that she does not want to go to school (she never did this earlier when her day ended at 1pm) or when she asks for her 'didi' at times my heart breaks into a million tiny pieces. I am torn between continuing to push her a little every day to get adjusted into this new routine versus picking up the phone and calling her 'didi' back to join us (incidently her didi did call a few days ago and leave a message that she can come back if we wanted her to. But we were not happy with the way it was done...she called our friend B (A's mommy) to check on us and ask her to let us know. That was not very nice of her in my mind).

Now you other soft hearted mush mommies like me....please let me know what you'd do if you were in my shoes? I know there are pros and cons for each setup and I am fully aware of what is best for my child. But what do you do when your child still lives in the belief that her favorite didi is coming back soon and that this is a temporary arrangement? What do you do when she cries in the morning and says she does not want to go to school when earlier she used to enjoy every minute of her ride to school and back with her best friend A? I mean...its not that dreary in practical life...she has another close friend who stays back at daycare with her and she has begun to adjust a little more each day. But you know how we moms are right...always confused and torn!

Please post your comments or thoughts...I'd love to hear advise from experienced mommies.

Of viral infections and such...

We've had the worst few days in a while. Poor baby had to go through a new kind of viral infection in which her throat got badly inflamed and she had viral blisters under her tongue. So bad so that she could not even comprehend putting anything in her mouth due to the extreme pain she was in. Her favorite chocolates, cakes, chips, candy, soup, etc. were offered to her - not once but multiple times...and all she could do was stare at it for a bit and then fold and keep it away. My heart broke at a small child going through so much pain that she would want to eat her favorite things and ask for them but then would cry saying "chhaala" or "fever" and point to her mouth or throat and put it back. It started on Wednesday night and by Thursday afternoon when the fever refused to subside with Crocin syrup, I called the pediatrician. He advised administering 6ml of Ibugesic Plus every 8 hours for the fever and throat pain she was complaining of and wait it for a day or two before bringing her in. But by Friday, things just did not seem to be improving and with her not eating or even drinking anything, I took her to the pediatrician for an examination.

He checked and declared that no antibiotics will help as it is a viral infection. The first thing I remember him asking me is "What are you most worried about". Coz if anything, he asked me to be prepared for it to get worse before it gets better. He said to leave her alone if she does not eat or drink too much, don't force anything except offer warm liquids often (such as warm water, soup, dal, rice water, etc.) and keep administering Ibugesic Plus every 8 hours to help in her pain and fever. If needed, we can supplement with Crocin after 4 hours or so as well. But he prepared me mentally to say she will be worst when she wakes up coz her throat will be like sandpaper. She will probably have body ache, headache or eyes will hurt etc. She will lose weight and be ill for a week. Gosh my jaw dropped when I heard that there was nothing we could do to ease her pain or reduce the misery. It had to take its course. When we went home, she just got worse by evening as a new blister under her tongue that I had not seen before was really really troubling her. She could not bear the pain and cried constantly holding her mouth. Poor thing didn't know what it was and kept referring to it as "chhilka" (instead of chhala). That Friday evening was the worst as I had 2 meetings that I could not get out of and one of them was my 1:1 with the boss. When he heard me talking on the phone with her crying in my lap, he was instantly so supportive and first of all joked about it saying "Whoa! How many participants do we have on the call today" And when I explained she was ill, he sympathized and asked "Do you think we can talk"? I said we could until she let us which was long enough for us to have a meaningful conversation. So that was good. But later that night, she just got worse with the pain in her chhala. The fact that she kept complaining of the pain and wouldn't do anything but hold her mouth and cry, we applied the Smyle gel on it thinking it will help her (obviously after consulting with the ped). But that seemed to hurt her even more and she started kicking her legs and throwing her hands in pain! Gosh - I have never seen the poor child in so much pain ever! We panicked thinking why is she acting abnormal and worriedly called the doc to ask which hospital should we rush her to. But thankfully, after I made her rinse her mouth and get rid of the gel, she calmed down a little. Still didn't eat or drink but atleast stopped writhing in pain. Poor child did not sleep a wink that entire night! She just sat with me and watched Dora on TV or wanted to play or read books, etc. Whenever she saw anyone on TV or in the books eating anything, she would ask for the same thing. And when I offered it to her, she would just cry saying "fever hai" or "chhilka". Worst was when she asked for a chocolate (which in good health is the last thing she would resist) and when I gave an entire bar of Dairy Milk to her, she just opened it, started at it for a long time and then wrapped it up and gave it back to me with tears in her eyes. That was my worst moment ever when she wanted to eat stuff she loves and couldn't gather up the courage to coz of the immense pain. Even with water, she was thirsty but when given water, she could not even take a sip. Would just keep bringing the glass to her mouth and then stop. She would take me to the kitchen repeatedly that night, ask for water, and hold the glass and cry. She would not be able to lie down horizontal on the bed and sleep coz even that would aggravate her pain. So finally at 6:30am I somehow convinced her to go inside and slept sitting up holding her onto me. Thankfully she woke up a little more cheerful at around 10am and things started getting better on Saturday with her being able to eat very tiny bites of food and sip on warm water. We started giving her warm water with GluconD so that she can atleast start regaining some energy in her system. By Sunday it was thankfully much better. Thankfully Friday night was the worst of it and it didn't get any worse as we feared. Oh Thank God!!! Touchwood! It is always painful to see your child in pain but to see her heartbroken along with it coz she could not eat or drink even though she wanted to was just double the trauma for me. I remember explaining to her that night about how God gives pain to everyone in life. It is a part of life so that we learn the value of happiness and learn how to bear pain and come out stronger. I told her how mommy also had pain ("boo") when she was a little baby and how her mommy was so worried about her. The child just sat and listened amidst her tears that night but she did narrate some of it back the next morning so hopefully she did understand what I was trying to explain to her.

BTW that night also reminded me of the long sleepless nights we had when she was just born and somehow made me wonder whether I am ready to do this all over again :-) I guess I am...if not for anything, for her own sake. I would like her to have a sibling in life. Ah...maybe someday...For now, I just hope I get your share of pain and misery my child and may you never have to go through such agony again.

Oh and I just realized that I have written about another time when she had had

a viral infection but she was a lot younger then. Seems like the docs in the US and

here in India had nothing too different to advise, which is very reassuring in a

strange kind of way :-) I will post about her recent battle with bladder infection

too at some point so that I remember the details and can help other moms or kids

going through it. That was traumatic coz for the longest time, we did not have a

diagnosis of her pain so it was quite frustrating for us to see her go through the

pain without knowing whats wrong and how to treat it.

Poll Time

Ok people - please provide me your honest opinions on this childcare issue that has been a lot on my mind lately. For a 2 yr 9 month old toddler who is not too fond of leaving mommy all day long and is generally a shy personality in public (a naughty brat at home or amongst close friends though), what would you personally prefer as a childcare arrangement while mommy is away at work:

• Daycare?
• Maid at Home?
• Combination of Both?
• Not Sure

Please use the poll I have created on the right navigation bar here and send me your detailed thought process behind your vote in the comments section if possible. I have had lot of issues finding the right maid for my little girl and have gone through atleast 6 of them in the last 6 months. Each had their pros and cons and I have even tried daycare which has its pros and cons too. But am unable to make up my mind on what I prefer more - her comfort of being in her own home with a maid I may or may not trust or her discomfort of being outside of her familiar surroundings at a day care but with caregivers I may grow to trust. Get the picture? I think most of you working moms go through this and figure out what works for your family the best. I am trying to work it out at present with a lot of different options that I have either tried already or want to try without upsetting her too much. Sigh...the dilemma!

A little bit of this and that...

Do any of you have issues with the blogroll on your blogs not updating with the latest articles? If you notice carefully, the blogroll that I have on the right, that is supposed to be showing all the blogs I frequent often with titles of the most recent articles, has stopped updating all of a sudden. It used to be that earlier I would just go to my blog and see which of you have written new posts and gladly catch up right away. But now I have to actually go into each blog and see if there are any new posts or not. Annoying behavior by blogger.com I must say. Anybody else out there noticing this bug? Any ideas on how to fix this?

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On a different note, got an award from newmumontheblock a few days ago. And thank god you posted it in my comments to come and collect it, coz with my blogroll acting the way I just described, I would never have known that you have it posted out there for me to collect :-)

Thanks a lot newmum! I write so little compared to other moms out there in the blogosphere so to get noticed and praised by some of you readers makes each such award so much more precious to me!

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Read this article a few days ago on TOI and was so inspired by it coz it says almost what I have always wanted to do for so long. I am now very tempted to go invest in a sewing machine and do some itsy bitsy tailoring myself by reusing some very good dupattas and stuff I have stashed away. I remember making dresses for my doll when I was a kiddo and do so much more in the arts and crafts area - thanks to my wonderful mom who got me interested in it. I want to pass on the same gene to my daughter as well so one of these days will definitely restart in that area if possible :-) Do give this article a read and let me know what other ideas come to your mind. I for one have a bag for my tailor ready to cut short some long kurtas I have from salwar suits stiched over 5 years ago. Times change so quickly na - then it used to be all about wearing long kurtas and now it is back to short kurtis and tights (Mumtaz style all over again). I never used to care for all these fashion changing cycles until I was in the US coz I was all about jeans and trousers then. But now, being in India, and especially working in India makes me want to not stand out in the crowd you know what I mean? I'll stick like a sore thumb if I wear all those age old long salwar suits to work now :-) Not that I am comfortable wearing salwar suits to work anyway coz have never done that in the last 11 years of my work life...was always wearing trousers or skirts or something non-Indian. But I do need to do something with all those suits sitting in my wardrobe you know! So dear readers, do give that article a read and send more ideas my way. Would love to hear abt your creative sides. Or you can also tell me where to shop for corporate wear here in Bangalore. I am still wearing clothes I owned from the US but sooner or later will need to buy Indian na :-)

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Just read this post by Preeti and can soooo empathize with her (having gone through similar maid related nightmares myself as of late). Just thinking of it makes me exhausted, forget about typing all of it. All I can say is - nothing is permanent and especially NOT in the childcare department! The poor child has to go through so many changes in such an early age, thankfully they are so adaptable or else we, our lives, our happiness, careers, everything would go for such a toss! We are on to our third maid in the last 5 months (for babysitting) and that too after giving daycare an honest try. Sigh! Does this ever settle down?

N and her new ways (with the new Nanny)

Hellllllllllp! Just when I thought I am beginning to get a good handle on how to raise my child...and just when I started thinking this is a piece of cake...let's have another one - she has decided to test my patience to the limits. I shudder to think of how I lose it at times and wonder if her own mom can get so worked up...what will the nanny do when I am away at work? Ugh!!! Gives me the chills. The child of mine is almost 2yrs 5 months now and has decided to be her most difficult self these days. Dunno if that is just the terrible twos now kicking in or the slight lifestyle change where I am trying to detach her from me and get her used to a nanny. Whatever it is - I seriously need your input.

She refuses to go for a bath on most days, refuses to go pee even when it is past 4 hours and refuses to go for a nap at her usual time. Like today she finally went for her nap at 5pm in the evening! Her normal time used to be 2pm on most days and latest by 3:30pm. She used to wake up around 5 or 5:30, drink her milk and go down to the park in the evenings. These days her entire schedule is out for a toss. Also these days she's going through a viral bug where she is coughing and has a runny nose. Doc advises steaming but she refuses to do even that. Its scary to see my shy and timid child turn into this 'shouting monster' who shouts NO when being told to do steaming, or go for a bath or take her nap even. Ooohhh please please help! What do I do when my patience has reached its limits??? :( I do not believe in spanking...her only punishment is a time-out in the balcony.

BTW I do believe part of it is coz she is getting a lot of attention and love from this new nanny whom she adores as long as they are playing. But the moment the nanny tries her to get to eat or bathe, lil N snaps back at her and either comes to me wailing or just becomes very stubborn. I wonder how the nanny will deal with N if I am away full time at work.

Edited to Add: The next morning was worse with me waking up ill (with a flu) and having to send her to school with the nanny. I think both she and I broke down at this point - she believing that mommy has totally abandoned her and I seeing her heart break so badly. So we both broke down and cried to our heart's content. Surprisingly though, things got much better after that. I resolved to be there for her a little longer and stop pushing her so hard. She too reciprocated the love and is behaving like her well mannered self all over again. Whew! Thank God it is a new day and things have come back to normal in our household. After speaking to a few friends who have been through this ordeal, they have asked me to give her a week and go gradually. She will get used to not having mommy 24 x 7 and let the nanny do things for her eventually. So I will give it a more patient and genuine try now and try not to lose my patience. I think my friend SBJ (read comments) hit the nail on the head - the biggest thing I should always keep in mind when I am impatient with N is...how would I like the nanny to deal with a similar situation when I am away.

In any case, thank god I can see much more clearly now the rain is gone...la la la :-) Sigh...I think it was just a bad Wednesday & Thursday filled with lots of 'Mama Guilt' ! Thanks dear friends for all your words of wisdom. And I love you my lil N...you have taught me so much in such a short time. Please know that I will be there for you ALWAYS as long as I am alive...and if possible even after that.

This happens only in India!

A holiday declared for most playschools and even some high schools on Friday for what? Coz of the solar eclipse from 11am to 3pm!!! I mean what are the working parents supposed to do if they don't have a nanny or parents at home? Are they also supposed to take off from work coz of the eclipse!!!??? Not that I am working right now but what if I did? Just makes me wanna smile and hum the tune "this happens only in India" :-)

Moving On to the New Year

Just a random post to pour out all that I have been feeling lately...

• Ever since I got back home to Bangalore after a month long trip from my brother's wedding, things seem quite changed with most of my friends in town. Seems like everyone has moved on to pursue things in life that they always wanted to. Its all for their good ofcourse but it just seems like so much has hapenned in the one month I was away. One of my friends & neighbor bought a new home (which ofcourse means she will be moving away soon), two of my friends got pregnant with a second one (and sadly both of them lost the babies too), one of them got out and got a job (which means she is less available during the day) and another one is looking to pursue some kind of an educational course to get back to work. This gave me lots of inspiration and the push I needed to get out in the job market myself. Just seems like all of us who have been at home during the transitional period to settle down in Bangalore have now decided to move on.
• So I started 2010 with a resolution that this is the year I will take the next big step in my life - either have a second kid or buy a home for ourselves or get back to my career that I gave up almost a year ago (since we moved back from the US). So that is my resolution - to move on to the next step in life and get all the support structure needed around me to support this move.
• Hence I am currently in the market for a full time cook cum nanny for my kiddo. Just like I had in the US. And I tell you it is hard...very hard to find someone you can trust your child and your home to. I am trying out different maids almost every other day. I am also evaluating day-cares as another option but am a little hesitant sending little N to one at this stage. Knowing her, we as parents believe she will be most comfortable at her own home. I really hope and pray I find someone as trustworthy as I had in the US. How I wish I could call that nanny over to India and have her live with us! If you don't know who I am talking about, see here and here.
• My plan is to settle little N down with either a nanny or a day-care and get back to work in the next month or so. Any tips or ideas anyone? How have you stepped out of home with a little one around? I mean I had gone back to work right after she turned 3 months but that was in the US and that too once I found a nanny I could trust. I think it is easier to trust someone there than in India coz of the laws and traceability system there. The quality of maids I am finding here is not comparable to what I had there and the Montessori schools I like do not have on-campus day-cares here. So what did you mommies who moved back to India do? What if I get a job I really like but it requires some travel? And worse - what if they require travel abroad (even if it is once or twice a year)? What do you guys do then?

Before Amnesia Sets In - Part 2

I had written a post earlier on a few of the most frequently asked questions regarding baby care. Wanted to continue with the same thought process before I forget all these precious minute details again.

Weaning off the Bottle

I wanted to pen down one of the biggest accomplishments me and my little brat have made recently. We had been away to my in-laws and then my parents place over the last month for my bro's wedding. So I took this opportunity to turn my gradual bottle weaning process into an accelerated one coz anyways my target was to wean her off the bottle completely before the wedding. And although it was tough initially seeing the poor baby ask for the bottle time and again and being cranky without it, I am proud to announce that she has finally changed her ways and has been successfully weaned off the Dr. Brown's bottles! Whew!

I must say though that in many ways I was actually happy with her milk intake through the bottle. She drank more than 3 bottles at times (6-7 ounces each). Now with a cup, it has come down to one good full cup in a day and maybe a sip or two here and there. Quite a drastic drop from what she used to take earlier. I am trying though to make it up with other calcium rich foods like cheese, yogurt, milk in her cereal etc. And I do see that she is eating better now that her tummy does not get full with milk alone. But the eating part could just be coz she is growing up and needs more anyway. Oh well...us moms can't stop worrying about what kiddos eat I guess. But atleast this is one big milestone that little N has finally accomplished after me really wondering if she's gonna continue with the bottles forever :-)

So here's how we did it. I tried the gradual process for a month or so before I left town. Used to give her milk from a cup at nights and got her used to falling asleep without a bottle in the bed. Once she got a little used to that process, I stopped bottles during the day as well. The only one she got was when she woke up in the morning and sometimes after her afternoon nap as well. Coz for the longest time she needed that as a comfort factor and as a tummy filler to wake up happy. If she didn't get that she would be really cranky and would not stop sucking on her thumb. So when she was fully awake, she had no issues drinking from a straw cup or a normal cup. There were many a nights when she did not drink enough from a cup and so did not sleep well (which obviously meant mommy and daddy did not sleep well either). But I did not give into a bottle feed at night to make sure she gets the message that she should drink sufficiently from the cup before turning in at night so that she does not get hungry at night again. In any case, one fine day when she had finished her evening bottle on the couch, she was fiddling with it and turned the nipple upside down and said "oh it broke". I grabbed this opportunity with both hands and emphasized again and again how she broke the bottle and how she cannot have milk in the bottle anymore. This logic worked for all her day and night milk intake except for the first bottle in the morning. And I was not in ready to take on that battle yet so quietly sneaked it into her while her eyes were closed anyways. The day we were leaving Bangalore though (Nov. 18th) she opened her eyes during the early morning feed and said "the bottle is fixed now!". And I was shocked! My hubby said its time we take this morning bottle away too. So travelling to Bombay was the best opportunity to do that. Once there, I told her the bottle was broken and so we left it at our Bangalore home. She did not like it a bit and cried for it for 2 days. I just did not give in and dealt with a mostly cranky child there. The 3rd day we went to meet one of my friends who has 2 kids, the younger of whom (baby A) was a year old and obviously drank from a bottle. My little N saw that baby drink from exactly the same Dr. Brown bottle and said "I want bottle se duddu". It ached my heart to see her yearn for it like that. So when we got home, I gave in and let her have her bottle again. You should have seen the happiness in that poor child. She was so thrilled after she had her heart's content. But I was again in a fix as to how to tell her it was a one time thing. So we told her that was baby A's bottle and after you had it, we returned it to baby A. Somehow she bought this story and was ok not having a bottle after that again. She cutely kept repeating "A is a chhota baby na, that's why she has bottle se duddu. I am a big girl so I am not sucking bot and saying bottle se duddu" (bot = thumb in konkani). Awww...what a samajhdar little kiddo.

We left for my parents place the next day and changing towns really helped. I could tell her how we left baby A behind and how it was her bottle. So now N will have cup se duddu. And I had to distract her with lots of stories, books, Dora on TV or watching kids play in the building's lobby - even late at nights before bed. But all that hard work paid off and little N finally took to drinking from a cup. So the last bottle she had was on Nov. 20 when she was almost 2 years and 3 months. Whew! I must say making them drink milk from a cup is more labor for us moms. And inspite of all that hardwork on our part, they don't drink as much as they used to anyway. So I really wonder whether it is worth all the hassle. I mean I had relatives visiting us during the wedding who said our kids had bottles till they were 5 years old. They didn't see it is a big deal that a 2 year old was still taken to a bottle. Infact they told me I weaned her off quite early. Now I am not sure if the tried and tested old ways are correct of the pediatrician's warnings of bottles being unhygienic as they have more crevices to clean. Oh well...whatever it is...I have seen it is easier to change habits sooner than later. So having to do this when she was 4 or 5 would have been far tougher I think.

My next project with her now is teaching her how to eat her meals by herself and getting her out of the thumb sucking habit. Efforts are still on and I will surely do a post once we achieve complete success. So stay tuned :-)

Potty Training

I wrote a post earlier on how we started little N's potty training at 18 months and were mostly done in a month or so. For details, please go to the post here and read from 4th paragraph onwards - "the other milestone I had planned for her at this age was to start her potty training...."

Settling down in her First School

Again, just creating a list of all these milestones here for a quick reference. I had written about how we got her to settle down in her first school ever and learn to stay away from mommy/daddy for a bit. That is always a worry for parents and by the time we get around to doing it again for the second kiddo, we tend to forget the details of how the first one did it. So read the post about it here.

Schools in and around Koramangala, Bangalore

So after all the madness of searching a good Pre-school or Daycare for little N ended a few months ago, its hard to believe that it is already time to worry about where should she go next year onwards. I mean I just got her admitted to a pre-school in June and it is just now that she is actually enjoying it and learning lots from it. And already, it is barely 2 months and I have to worry about where she should go next year!!? The session next year does not even start until June 2010 but the reason we parents need to plan now is that most big schools will release admission forms in September or so (after Dussehra holidays) and you need to grab it asap to apply and be considered on a first come first served basis. Amazing na?

So as we did earlier during our pre-school research, me and my friends aka paranoid moms ;-) started our rounds of visiting schools in and around our area. Here's what we've found so far. I will continue this post in its part 2 as and when I visit more schools in the vicinity.

1). NPS Koramangala: They have both - the Montessori and the Traditional streams of education for junior school. To get admitted into Montessori 1 (first year), the child has to be 3 years of age by June of the academic year for which admission is seeked. If that does not happen, the child cannot get admitted into the Montessori stream at all (unless in cases where they make an exception if he/she has been to a different Montessori before). Now I took this at its face value and came back thinking that since N is an August born child, she is not eligible for NPS montessori at all. But many moms in our community have now informed me that they make exceptions all the time. They themselves have seen cases where there are October/November born kids in Montessori 1. So I have been advised to atleast take the form and apply.

• Pros: If your child gets into Montessori here, he/she can enjoy 3 full years of Montessori education and then go into 1st standard right here. So they get the full benefit of Montessori way of learning and you as parents need not worry about their re-admissions to a mainstream school all over again. The school follows the CBSE curriculum from 1st standard onwards.
• Cons: From all the reviews I have heard about this school, they are very academically oriented. Exams, tests, projects, etc. such a young age is not what I would want for my child - but then every parent has a different perspective. Some believe this prepares them for reality in their lives. One more thing - we asked the front desk lady to show us around the school or let us know a date when they can conduct some kind of an orientation for prospective parents and she very nicely refused to extend any sort of a courtesy on that front. I guess this school just goes by its name - either you apply or you don't. You don't get a chance to see it during or after hours.

2). Little Feat Montessori House of Children: I have already written about this place here but that was when I had not visited them yet. I now went and took a tour of this place and they seem very friendly and understanding as a management. They take admissions atleast twice a year (Dec and June). Your child will most likely get in as long as he/she is under 2.5 years of age when you contact them. And the place, their montessori material, infrastructure is pretty good too. I have a lot of friends whose kids go here and the parents are all happy.

3). Vibgyor High (HSR) : The front desk lady here was very different from the one we met at NPS. She actually took a lot of time to show us 4 moms (with our toddlers) around the school. It is a nicely built place with a lot of facilities for the kids and the best part is - they have after school day care on the premises! So kids can spend the rest of the afternoon there if both the parents go to work. To qualify for admission here, the kid needs to be atleast 2 yrs 9 months by June of the academic year. This is when he/she will get admitted into Nursery. If they are atleast 3 yrs 9 months, they get into LKG and then UKG and so on. So according to my kiddo's birthdate, she being August born, will be 2 yrs 10 months in June 2010 and so will absolutely qualify here (unlike at NPS where she needs to be 3 yrs of age). They follow the ICSE board curriculum.

• Pros: This school claims they do not have a midterm and final exams structure until 4th standard. They do have weekly assessments to judge a child's progress and grade him accordingly. Again, some parents prefer the traditional approach to prepare their child early on. I am not in one of those camps. I would rather my child learn through experiencing things first hand than cramming and taking tests/exams. Another pro, getting admissions into this school seems relatively easier since they are brand new. This is their first functional year.
• Cons: School is quite far from Koramangala - took us 30 minutes to get there. Might be a good option if you live in Sarjapur or HSR Layout. Also, the campus was pretty much all concrete. And for folks like me who have grown up in schools which has ample ground space for sports like cricket, football, high jump, long jump, PT, etc. it did not appeal much to the eyes. Was too much concrete for my taste.

Other schools we plan to visit in the near future are:

• DPS (have heard they have a very good campus)
• Prakriya (have heard very good things about this school - their campus, curriculum, way of teaching and their nursery)
• Headstart Montessori House of Children (have heard that this Montessori also has classes upto 5th currently and they have aquired land for more)
• Bethany High (this school has also recently launched a child care center for infants and toddlers who can attend pre-school here and move on to Bethany High from there)

Do let me know if you think of other schools that I should add to my list here. If not, do keep checking for Part 2 of this post.

EDITED ON Oct. 10, 2009 TO ADD : NPS Indiranagar has started giving out admission forms and their other branches (Koramangala and HSR) might start the coming week.

Happy 20th month my little one

As you can see by the Lilypie ticker on the right, my little angel turned 20 months old today. Strange feeling calling it 'old' when they are still such new 'young' little bundles of joy. I have yet to see soooo many of her firsts in life and yet there are sooooo many firsts that she has learnt to master already. Can't stop marvelling at how quickly time has flown by...when it just seems like yesterday when we drove our little precious home from the hospital in Fremont. I remember my hubby's words to me on that short drive home - "its just the two of us now (he meant - to take care of little N)". And I remember it drizzling lightly and me fussing over how the car seat should cover her completely eslt what if she has a little water on her!!!???? :-) And look at her now - completely a water baby! Loves it like crazy. Swims with me not just in the baby pool but the adult 5 ft. deep one as well. Shrieks in delight as soon as I leave her floating in the pool with just her arm bands on for support.

She sure has come a long way. From not being able to talk at all for almost 14 months to having a huge vocabulary all of a sudden and having this great ability to comprehend not one, not two but three languages already! Konkani, Hindi and English! She has gotten into the habit of forming sentences now - which ofcourse consist of just 2 words but atleast she has understood the power of being able to get her message across by combining 2 words. The most important ones being - "Mamma chocolate" :-) Others in her vocabulary are "Mamma come" or "Papa come" or "Aabu come"etc. - you get the idea.

She has also done quite well in her potty training so far and our latest struggle is trying to brush her teeth. Her allowing us the privilige to brush her teeth entirely depends on how good we are at convincing her with stories about bugs or ants in her teeth on a given day. She sure has a strong will - when she does not want something she will make sure she has her way. That part is definitely from her dad's genes, I'm sure :-) Also the need to hold my hair when she's sleepy or hungry or just plain playful. Ugh - that one I am determined to bring to an end soon. From her mom's genes, she has inherited the love for water and the need to have mommy around her all the time. My own mom tells me how I would cling to her all day and howl when she even just stepped away to use the restroom! Man - how did our parents handle us? And not just one but two little mosnters? Gosh!

That reminds me - do any of you who've had babies around mid 2007 plan to have a second one soon? (Or already have a second one enroute). If so, please please share it here...I am quite curious as to what the thinking is about the ideal age gap between siblings.

In the meantime, here's to my little N who is still the only baby of the house - both on mommy and daddy's side of the family. Hope blogger.com is still around when she grows up and reads these letters from mamma with love.

My baby turned 18 months a month ago!

And I have been meaning to write this post since then! Just haven't gotten around to finally doing it :(

Anyways, here I am...finally trying to capture all that has been going on since she turned 1.5 years old (on Feb 25, 2009). We left for a 10 day road trip on March 1 for my hubby's grandma's first shraadh and also N's mundan ceremony. The plan was for hubby's parents and sis to drive down from Bombay and us from Bangalore to meet at Sirsi. Stay there for a night at his cousin's and then drive together to Kodkani for the shraadh. But I fell ill with a bad case of cold, fever etc. a day earlier so instead of leaving on Sat (Feb 28), we left on Sun morning (Mar 1). So that gave us very little time with the cousins in Sirsi. Anyways, we all met up and reached Kodkani on Sat night in time for the shradh the next day. The village stay was quite an enjoyable experience with the entire "kunj" getting together - the first for me after my marraige ofcourse. On Tuesday afternoon we left for Ankola where the mundan ceremony was supposed to be done. Stayed in the kuldevta temple that night and N had a blast running around the huge temple premises. Then on the morning of Wednesday, March 4 - the five of us took little N with a very worried heart for her mundan. I was mostly worried about how much she would cry and what if she shook her head in all the crying and hurt herself. Gosh - all sorts of horrible thoughts kept worrying me the previous night. But God had a miracle in store for us. Somehow, N cried a lot the previous night in her sleep (maybe night terrors) but sat very calm and still through her entire mundan! She surprised us all by not moving an inch all the while the guy shaved her head. She knew something was going on on her head but did not dare move as she sat in her dad's arms. Whew! Thank God! With that gone smoothly, the next on our agenda was to hit the Murdeshwar beach and actually have a vacation. But for some unplanned reasons (such as the driver's time limitations etc.) we had to cut short our trip by 2 days and think of alternatives on how to best spend the limited time we had left. So we decided to check out the nearby Gokaran beach and Shivji temple instead. We stayed on at Ankola that night and left for Gokaran on Thursday. Enjoyed the temple visits and the beach and drove back to Sirsi. Stayed with the cousins that night and the next morning, his folks left for Bombay and we drove back to Bangalore. All in all - a very nice enjoyable trip with lots of quality time with the in-laws family.

And this is why I never actually got around to doing an 18 month post for my little one. She did have a huge milestone of having her mundan done at this age and her mommy and daddy are so proud of her having sat through it without any trouble at all.

The other milestone I had planned for her at this age was to start her potty training and stop her diapers - cold turkey. I stuck to my plan and the next morning after our arrival back home, I told her how we left her diapers at Ankola :-) It took her almost a week to get it but she finally did do her first poop in the potty the following Friday. So we started training her on Sat (Mar 7) and she finally got the idea on Fri (Mar 13). And I must give a lot of credit to her dad who supported and helped me a lot in all this messy business of potty training all week and it was actually him who got the pleasure of witnessing her go poo-poo in the potty for the first time on Friday afternoon. Mommy was running some errands in the market at the time. By now she has started telling us when she wants to go poo and we take her to the potty to do it. But she still hasn't gotten the idea of sensing when she needs to go pee so cannot tell us beforehand. Any of you experienced moms have any ideas on how to teach them this soon?

Now that she is almost 19 months, Little N is also trying to drink milk from a cup atleast once a day. Mommy mixes doctor recommended chocolate flavored Kids Pro in a glass of milk and offers it from a cup. N has it either from a straw or spoon or directly from the cup or sometimes a combination of all of the above. But atleast she is trying :-) My dear sweetie....how fast you have grown and oh how much you talk and absorb everything these days. It amazes me at how you observe all the little things and try to tell us all that you see. Oh and it is so cute that only I understand what you try to tell me coz isn't it me who taught you all this in the first place. That is such a satisfying feeling...to see your child reciprocate and demonstrate all that he learnt and absorbed from you and the world you are building around him. It won't be long before we parents will not be the biggest influence in their lives...infact we will probably be the least important quite soon :-)

Daycare Centers and Preschools in Koramangala, Bangalore

So I have now officially joined the bandwagon of "paranoid moms" - not just being paranoid about daycares and preschools myself but spreading this fever to all the friends around me who are moms to kids in a similar age group as mine! Ain't I so evil ;) heeheehee

Nyways, it all started with a job interview I was actively pursuing. And the decision of whether I should take up the job if offered weighed largely on whether I would be able to find a very good home away from home for little N. In the US, I was able to work without much guilt coz I had a wonderful nanny who loved N just like she was her own child. But here, I am yet to find either a nanny or a daycare who will give her the love, warmth, intellectual stimulation and hygeine all at the same time. So over the past few weeks, I have been spending a lot of time each day researching and visiting daycare centers and preschools around our neighborhood in Bangalore. Hauling a toddler around to each facility is in itself a huge pain - forget coming home, thinking, comparing and racking my brain to figure out what is good or bad about each place and what are the options my kiddo has. So I thought I'd do this in written so that it gives me some clarity and also help out some of you who might be looking for this information out there.

This analysis is purely my opinion based on my personal research and talking to a lot of folks whose kids go to many of these places listed here.

I have finally begun to understand a little bit about the early years educational system here. Figured out that Daycare is a term given to something like babysitting where your kid is basically in their care, being fed and kind of hangs out in the premises but not necessarily with a structured routine. Pre-School is more of a structured program where they have an hour of two of instructor led activities. Pre-school (also called Playschool) starts at age 1 year 10 months at most places. When the kid turns 2.5 years old, you have more options for him/her. You can continue to keep them in the pre-school or opt for a Montessori. Montessoris generally accept kids at the age of 2.5 and continue their education upto 6 years of age. So your kid can either be in a pre-school (which is the traditional Playgroup, Nursery, LKG, UKG) or a Montessori upto the age of 6. Or you can pull him out of either and admit him to a high school (which offers education upto grade 10 or 12) for LKG at around 4.5 years of age. You can pretty much do this from a Pre-school to a regular school whenever you prefer (LKG or UKG or 1st standard) but Montessoris generally recommend children to stay on for atleast 3 years to obtain the full benefits of the Montessori method. And some believe that research has proven that kids who went through the Montessori program in their early years have grown up to be smarter.

Anyways, so here is a listing of all the daycares, pre-schools and montessoris I have visited, heard of or done some research on in Koramangala, Bangalore. Hope this helps atleast some of you who are looking for such consolidated information online.

1. Little Elly - This was the first ever place I visited so was not quite sure what questions to ask and what to look for etc. But after talking to the management there, I was pretty satisfied with the way they did things around there. The only thing that bothered me was that their toddler program (which is what my N would have gone to then) was only for 2 hours each day. I was really looking for a place that would keep them for 3-4 hours so that they can bond, socialize and get a feel of spending a good amount of time away from mommy. That way I could ease her into a full time program if I wanted to start working soon. Other than that, I liked their facilities, teachers and the overall hygiene.

• Pros: They do have daycare facilities after the child's school is done. So after 9-11am, the child can still stay there upto 6:30pm (daycare charges extra). Huge plus for working parents.
• Cons: If all you want is a playschool, they only run it for 2 hours per day. Paying around 30K for 2 hours per day seems a bit too much.
  

2. Child-Care Montessori - This place has been running its Montessori Pre School in 5th Block Koramangala for over a year and had recently opened up their Day Care center in 3rd block, Koramangala which is much closer to our place. So it sounded great since it is a Montessori cum Daycare center which means they accept children as young as 3 months of age. Obviously at that age, they would be treated as daycare children but if they continue there for a while, they will automatically be registered for the Montessori education program at 2.5 years of age.

• Pros: I visited only their Day Care center which I really liked. They have very clean premises (great hygeine ranks very high in my list) and have good equipment overall for infants - such as good quality cribs, toddler beds, toys (indoor and outdoor). I also loved the folks running this place, their thoughts and philosophy.
  
• Cons: I did not really like that my child at 1.8 years of age will be hanging out at the daycare center which was still so new that it did not really have a lot of other kids her age to socialize with. It also did not have a structured routine as such for this age group so was more like a daycare where they would pretty much do what they feel like and hang out with a maid most of the time. If I was working fulltime though, this might be a decent place to leave my kid for the time being.
  

3. KinderKare - This is primarily a home based day care which accepts kids around 2 years of age. They have a 3 hour program for these toddlers and they heavily encourage free play.

• Pros: I liked the fact that they have a total of around 30 kids total in the age group from 2 to 4.5 years of age. All of these kids spend most of their time together so it is more like a montessori environment with some structure. I loved the 2 ladies who run this place and their overall attitude of doing it more for a passion than making money in the business. They seemed very understanding and flexible to accomodate these little ones totally understanding that they are not used to a routine of any kind yet since this is their first school ever. I think they will be ideal for my little N's first school and ideal for me as well since this is a stone's throw away from my place. So no putting her in a car seat and driving her to school every morning. All I have to do is enjoy a nice 5 minute walk.
• Cons: They only offer a 3 hour program and do not have a full day daycare offering. So not an ideal place for working parents.
  

4. Vilma's Daycare - This is small cozy little daycare run by a nice lady who runs it in a home (does not necessarily live there though). They accept infants as young as 3 months as well and have a few teachers for the toddlers. I was not too keen on this place as it did not seem big enough for me (all the kids hung out in one living room for play time, meal time, reading time etc.) They said they spend an hour outdoors each day in a nearby park. But as I mentioned earlier, I have a high hygeine standard and this place did not fare too well for me in that department.

5. Planet Kids - Great huge premises. I should say by far the best I have seen in Koramangala. They have a huge place with all sorts of outdoor activities including things such as a splash pool. Indoors, they have a huge ball pit, a media room (with a huge flat screen TV) and a computer lab as well! So facilities wise the place ranked # 1 in my rating but I was not too impressed by their management and their overall attitude.

• Pros: Great campus. Have various locations in Bangalore so you can transfer your child to a nearby location if you move. Also have full time daycare facilities for working parents.
  
• Cons: Management did not show too much understanding and flexibility for kids who are going to a school for the first time ever. I am also not a huge fan of putting kids in front of a TV or computer as at this young an age.
  

6. Little Paradise - Is a preschool as well as daycare center.

• Pros: Offers day care facilities so is a plus for working parents.
• Cons: Heavily overcrowded. The daycare area is not seperate so infants sleeping are surrounded by playing toddlers all around.
  

7. Little Feat Montessori House of Children - I have personally not visited this facility since they do not accept kids younger than 2.5 years of age. But from all that I have heard and researched, this Montessori has nothing but good reviews all around. I have a lot of friends whose kids go there and have only heard good things about the people who run this place and the overall reputation, their attitude towards kids, etc. The only con I have heard is that they have 10 classes running but their facilities are not very huge both for indoor and outdoor play.

8. Head Start Montessori House of Children - I have not visited this facility either since they too do not accept kids younger than 2.5 years of age. But again, this place has great reviews from all that I have read about it. The only thing is that getting an admission here is next to impossible - they fill up with siblings of existing kids one or more years in advance!

9. Eurokids - Not visited this school either but have friends whose kids go here and are extremely happy about the place, teachers and curriculum. The big pro is that they have presence all over India so if you move around a lot, this is certainly beneficial for you.

10. Vivaa International - Not visited this place myself but have a few friends whose kids go there. Have heard mixed reviews about this place about their management of kids. The pro is that they are a Montessori which offers day care facilities as well so your kid can either spend the day here if you are working or go here after school for the remainder of the day.

11. Roots to Wings -This is a new chain of pre-schools owned and run by the Singapore based company Educomp. I was very interested in this since they claim to be very different from the rest in their philosophy and curriculum so thought why not check it out.

• Pros: The pro I liked was that they do accept kids at a very young age (around 1.5 years). And since they are so new, they do offer trial weeks where you can send the kids for 2 weeks free of charge to see if they really like it.
• Cons: The biggest con for me was that they were too new (no kids enrolled in the center that just opened up in Koramangala). So although they seemed to have all the knowledge in theory, I would feel more comfortable if I had seen them actually working with kids in real life. They were great at showing their powerpoint presentations about their well researched curriculum and the "seven petal approach" but when it came to practical questions from a mom such as how will you potty train my kid...they were not able to put me at ease (obviously coz they had never done it before!)
  

12. Planet Bloomingdale - Not visited this place myself since I had not heard any good reviews about it but I do know that they have a full time daycare for infants.

Time flies by so quickly

My dearest little N turned 17 months on Sunday. I have been meaning to write this post since then and its already 3 days without me realizing it! Time sure flies by when you have a toddler this age in your hands. She is learning sooooo much every day that it is hard to keep up and capture it all. Every day adds a new word to her vocabulary, a new discovery to her endless world and a new trick that she catches from either me or her papa.

Here is my best attempt at capturing what she is upto most these days (ofcourse this is not all inclusive since it is forever evolving). Sometimes I wonder if this is the best of all ages coz every day she learns something new. When she was a baby, it used to be a new milestone every few weeks unlike every few hours now :-) And I am so glad I am the one teaching her most of these new things or being with her watching her catch on rather than being away all day at work and missing out on this fun. Working from home has this huge benefit (amongst other disadvantages ofcourse).

Anyways, so here I go:

• Tuesday, Jan 27 - you learnt to say 2 new words - "duddu" and "office". When asked where is papa, you would say office. And ofcourse I thought you being able to finally address your milk as duddu was the topper of all charts! Finally you could express to me verbally (instead of sucking your little thumb) to tell me you want milk!
  
• This was also the day you learnt to use "mama" in its full blown glory non stop all day long to call me to you. Earlier you would just yell "aa" or "eehh" to call me but suddenly this day you just started following me along all over the house all day shouting "mama mama mama" in all sorts of tones - question, exclamation, boredom....you name it and you have it!
  
• Wednesday, Jan 28 - you learnt to say the word "no".
• And ofcourse - by now you show most of your body parts when asked. But the cutest of it all is what daddy taught you recently - to dance on the song "heads shoulders knees and toes". You play your Learning Puppy on that song over and over again and start tapping your heads, knees and toes on the song. It is such a joy to see you entertain yourself by just learning to do that over and over and over again...sometimes you even get the "eyes and ears and mouth and nose" part quite well :-)
  
• Here are some other tricks we taught you:
• Us: N---- mum mum kash khaata (How does N---- eat mum mum)?
• You: Gup gup

• Us: What does a tiger say?
• You: (growling sound) Haaaaa

• Us: How does a bee fly?
  
• You: zzzzzzzzzzz

• Us: How does the frog eat the bee?
• You: Haaaap (mommy taught you this when she saw this cartoon on channel 9xm that you love to watch)

• Us: Aeroplane kashi jatele (How does an aeroplane fly)?
• You: show the flying motion with your hand

• Us: N, where does Papa go?
• You: Aaaapis (Office)

• Some words you try speaking but manage a much cuter version of:

• Plane - you say something that sounds like "beam"
• Bee
• Heart
• Dots
• Cartoon - you say something like "tattoon"
  
• Uda (means water in konkani) - you say "da"
  
• Duddu (means milk in hindi)
• Mum mum (for food)
• Trisha (your friend/neighbor) - you say "Tisha"
• Aryan (your friend/neighbor) - you say "Aayan"
  
• Apple - you say "aappu"
• Cup
• Tub
• Papa
• Mama
• Mummy
• Amma
• Aabu
• Nana
• Nani
• Come
• Go
  

By now you have quite a vocabulary and it grows almost daily. You basically try and repeat after us to catch on to these small words.

There are sooooooooo many other things you do that are every so endearing. Like I said, it is
impossible to capture all of that in a blog but atleast I wanted to make sure I have some of it noted down for being able to narrate to you when you grow up.

Lots of love...your "mama".

Before Amnesia Sets In...FAQs Part 1

They say that nature has induced all women with selective amnesia. Which is why all the aches and pains of pregnancy, labor, delivery and raising an infant are so easily and so quickly forgotten and the only thing that we remember are all the precious joyful moments about having a little baby. Which is why after a few years pass, we are all ready to have another baby all over again! Well, I ain't complaining at all coz inspite of all the aches and pains, having and raising a little baby is truly a pleasure beyond any other in my opinion. Agreed you have days when you are ready to pull your hair out and wonder what in the world were you thinking before giving birth to this little monster ;) But when that "little tiny monster" looks into your eyes and throws one of their lovely smiles, all the frustration is gone and your heart just melts.

Anyway...I digress. The intention of this post is for me to document a few key milestones before my amnesia sets in and all of those first few months are a blur. I am noticing that is already happening when my friends who are new mommies call me with questions and I cannot seem to give them exact details inspite of me just having gone through this a year ago. Strange isn't it? Is it pregnancy induced stupidity (which apparently lasts forever) or is it this natural amnesia setting in that makes you forget all the sleepless nights and all the endless research we did on issues that now seem mundane such as nipple confusion, baby acne, nursing positions, storing breast milk, etc.

So, before amnesia sets in, here I go with a few basic questions I have been asked lately and a few general items that might slip my mind later...

Q. When did I switch my little one from breast milk to formula?

A. The first time we gave her formula was when she was 9.5 months old and that was because we were flying with her for the first time ever and I wanted to be able to give her the bottle in the flight. Storing and preparing formula was much more convenient in the journey and during our stay at Detroit (we were visiting my friend N for a long weekend) so I got her to taste and get used to formula. Although it turned out that the amount of breast milk I carried with me to the trip was sufficient enough and I did not have to pump at all that weekend. Which reminds me that the pumping session I did just before leaving home to board that Detroit flight was the last time I pumped. And even I didn't know that would be my last expressing of bm when I was doing it. Strange na? In any case, when I started formula, I gave her a bottle of 1/4 formula and 3/4 bm to get her used to the taste. Gradually in a week or two, I decreased the amount of bm and increased the amount of formula in the bottle until she got used to the new taste.

Q. How and when did my little one wean off completely from nursing?

A. As explained above, my baby was pretty much weaned during the day when she was around 11 months or so. She did get breast milk through a bottle though from the packets I stored for her in the freezer until around 10.5 months or so. The only time she would nurse from me was at nights to go to bed and when she woke up due to hunger and needed my milk and my comfort to go back to sleep. Since I had stopped pumping at 9.5 months, I reduced my nursing sessions to only nights. I must mention here that nature is a beautiful thing - it only produces the amount of milk that is being consumed. So I still had milk supply to fulfill her night time sessions. I wanted to continue this through our big move to India to make it a little easier on her through this transition...and I am glad I did coz she needed this comfort (and the antibodies that bm provides) to adjust to all the travel and the new life here in India. Once we were finally settled in our new home in Bangalore (N was 13 months then), I started cutting down on the night time feeding frequency too. So I gave her a bottle to go to bed and only nursed when she woke up during the night. Gradually when she was around 14.5 months, I realized that the amount of milk she got through nursing when she woke up at nights was not enough to put her back to sleep. So she was still getting up hungry and crying after the nursing session too. And that is when I brought it to a complete stop and chose to give her a bottle of cow's milk at nights too. By this time she was already off formula and on cow's milk during the day. So this is how I weaned my little precious off breast milk and off nursing.

Q. When did I start her on a bottle? My baby does not take the bottle at all.

A. We were constantly told by our pediatricians and lactation consultants to introduce a bottle at the right age - any earlier and they might have nipple confusion and any later and they risk a chance of bottle aversion (preferring the breast and refusing the bottle). So we were told to start introducing the bottle between 4-6 weeks of age once breastfeeding is well established.

Q. How and when did you get her to sleep through the night without her waking for milk in between?

A. We had missed the boat on teaching the baby to sleep through the night before they learn to sit up by letting them "cry it out". This is mostly on purpose since we just did not believe a little one needs to go through so much grief and trauma to sleep. In any case, now that she was old enough to stand up and always needed a bottle of milk to go back to sleep, one of the tips we were given at this age was to give them warm water instead of milk when they get up in the middle of the night. So when she was 14.5 months old, I had weaned her off completely from nursing. But she was getting up atleast twice in the night for milk and I would have to carry her to the kitchen, warm the bottle of milk and then feed it to her every night atleast twice. When I finally started to get tired of this routine at around 15 months or so, I started keeping a bottle of warm water by my bedside. And so at the 2am feeds, I gave her that instead of milk. Obviously she resisted, cried and was a little frustrated for a week but I did not give in. Even if that meant me rocking her for an hour to lull her back to sleep. I fought it through and sure enough after a week or so of this persistence, she decided its not worth it to get up for milk after all :-) So the only feed left was at 5am when I lovingly got up and gave her the bottle of milk. Around a month later when I learnt that milk at night can cause tooth decay in babies, I started the effort to wean her off the 5 am bottle as well. This was obviously not as easy as the 2 am one so instead of water, I gave her a bottle of 1/2 milk and 1/2 water. She hated that and refused it at times or had an ounce of it at times and went back to sleep. This effort is still ongoing so I will update you when I am done with it. But this is essentially the way that worked for me to encourage her to sleep through the night. I think the most helpful article that helped me work on this was the one in the book "What to Expect in the Toddler Years" where they do a great job of explaining how this is a vicious circle of demand and supply. Baby knows that if she demands, she will always get the supply of milk at night. So you have to basically break this circle by cutting down on supply - either gradually or cold turkey is up to you.

Q. My 1 year old baby eats veggies in khichdi but how do I make sure he is taking enough fruits in a day?

A. When N was 1 year old, I stopped steaming, blending and pureeing fruits for her. She enjoyed eating fruits as is. I used to cut and peel apple slices coz she did not like the peel and she ate them happily. Her grandpa used to peel orange slices, deseed them and even take out their inner peel and offer. She also ate pomegranate though I was scared of those seeds initially but she ended up loving pomegranate. We offered most fruits such as papaya, banana, grape halves etc. just as is - no stewing or anything. Like my pediatrician says, babies' preferences keep changing. So don't worry too much - just give him what they seems to like.

Will update with more FAQs as and when I remember...

Feeding ideas for a 15 month old

We took little N for her 15 month well baby exam today. Amongst other things, I asked the doc to draw out a typical day for babies her age in terms of feeding. This is because mine is a scanty eater and feeding her is like a huge project. And although she is hale and hearty (touchwood), she could use a little more fat. We loved the suggestions she gave us. They were geared towards naturally fattening recipes instead of the market bought ones which have preservatives and such. So I thought of sharing with you all since I am pretty sure there are others like me who could use these tips as well. Here is what she advised:

Adults eat 3 big meals a day - breakfast, lunch and dinner. Babies and kids under 3 need to be fed a little more frequently than that since they do not eat big portions in each meal. So insert 2 additional filling snacks during the day - 1 between breakfast and lunch and one between lunch and dinner. So here's how a typical day can look like:

7:00am - A bottle/cup of milk
8:30am - Breakfast (can be anything like oatmeal, dosa, idli, bread, paratha, chapati)
10:30am - Filling Snack (can be anything such as ragi, yogurt, banana shake, chiku shake)
1:00pm - Lunch (this can be whatever the family eats such as rice and dal or roti or paratha)
1:00 to 3:00pm - Nap
3:30pm - Filling Snack (any of the ones mentioned above. Other ideas can be whole fruit such as banana, apple, guava, papaya, chiku, etc. or even mashed banana or other fruits in yogurt)
6:00pm - A bottle/cup of milk
8:30pm - Dinner (can be whatever the family eats such as rice with sabzi and dal or roti or paratha etc.)
9:00pm - A bottle/cup of milk and Goodnight

And here are a few foods/recipes she recommended:

1. Jacket Potato: This dish is a great idea since it includes carbohydrates, proteins and fats all at the same time. Take a baked potato, stuff it with scrambled eggs and butter to serve.
2. Chicken/Fish/Eggs: Give these in different forms to the baby. Make sure the fish and chicken are cooked well and when offered, are boneless and minced in small pieces.
3. Nutritious Milk: Put a paste (liquid or dry) of dry fruits in baby's milk. This is naturally fattening and healthier than store bought alternatives such as Pediasure.
   
4. Nutritious Roti: Instead of struggling to feed roti and sabzi, an idea for giving kids roti and sabzi together is to put the sabzi inside roti dough and make a paratha out of it. The other thing my nanny used to do was make roti ki churi with the sabzi that was cooked.
5. Nutritious Dinner: Instead of trying to feed rice and dal, you can make a nutritious version of khichdi. My new cook puts grated vegetables in the cooker along with rice and dal. I liked the idea of grating the veggies for babies who can be picky about finding vegetable pieces in their smooth khichdi texture.
   
6. Healthy Snacks: Other than whole fruits or fruit juices, you can offer fruit milk shakes or fruits in yogurt. Again, one thing my old nanny used to give was dahi-kela. One other thing I give little N is Cerelac. I know this is a store bought alternative but it sure is nutritious and very convenient to make. You can also try pro-biotic yogurts instead of plain ones. The other suggestions our pediatrician made was chicken soup, pasta, vegetable soups, etc.
   

Although I am a lot wiser and enriched with more ideas about baby food, I do have a question for you experienced moms out there. When planning day trips/outings with the baby, what kind of home made food can we take along that will not have a risk of getting spoilt? When she was a little younger and we were in the US, it was easy to carry store bought baby jars. But in India's climate, I have noticed they too get spoilt if not refrigerated for the entire day. So can you wiser moms give me tips on how to travel with the little one without starving her?

Learning so much so quickly

It is amazing how fast these little cuties grow and how quickly they grasp things around them. In just a year, she has started comprehending everything around her and even though little N can't speak yet, she is able to understand, respond, communicate and imitate everything around her. It just amazes me so much that I had to document every little thing she has picked up before I forget it all :)

Aug 23, 2008 - This was the weekend I spent with my undergrad hostelite buddies who flew down from various parts of the US to have a mini reunion one last time before I moved to India. And oh what a weekend that was. We were 5 girls and all of us new mommies. So obviously there was soooo much to share, so much to learn and so much to talk about. In all this, the two of them (S and D) decided to teach my little N how to 'high five' and 'low five'. That was probably the first thing she ever learnt from someone consciously teaching her (so far all the rest was self discivery such as waving 'tata' and mumbling a few other words). By the end of that weekend, she was an expert at high and low fiving anyone who asked for it.

Sept 27, 2008 - N just turned 13 months 2 days ago and today was the day when she and I flew down from Mumbai to Bangalore to join my hubby. Her milestone: playing peekaboo with mommy for the first time. And my milestone: surviving an entire journey alone with the kiddo...quite an experience I must say. I flew via Jet Airways. I must say they did not fuss at all at my excessively overweight bag and 3 handbags (yes...again!) but the assistance the crew provided to a single mommy travelling with an infant left a lot to desire. Atleast in Mumbai where they made me not only drag my bags, the little one and the stroller to every single security check possible but made me even drink water from her bottle and sippy cup! I wouldn't have minded this if I was not already struggling with all the bags and the kiddo clinging to me having fallen badly a day ago and walking around with swollen, purple injured lips :( Finally it was a nice lady travelling on the same flight who came and offered to help! God bless her soul. Once I was onboard though, the inflight crew was a pleasant relief. They not only played with the little one all the time but even assisted me all the way to the gate until I met my hubby. Anyways, this was about N's milestones and I started ranting about my own :)

So while we were at DH's cousin's place that day, little N walked into the kitchen to explore the place. Suddenly I called out to her saying "where is Nikki....Nikki khai asaa" to look for her. And she comes running with her tiny feet and peeks out the kitchen door to smile at me. This was the first time ever she did this and I realized she wants a game of peekaboo. She was not going in to pick up the stuff in the kitchen (like she normally does), infact she would just stand next to the wall with her back against it to hide from mommy and show her smiling face every time I called out for her. She did this atleast 5 times that day and since then has started enjoying this little game of peekaboo with us.


Oct 7, 2008 - N ate or drank very little that day which tired and worried mommy until she saw that N was cutting her premolar teeth :-) That explained it all and was a pleasant relief!

Oct 7, 2008 - This was also the first time ever when I saw her enacting Twinkle Twinkle by herself! This has to be the cutest thing I ever saw her do. The thing is that she has been listening to this rhyme from us ever since she was born and may be a few months ago or so I must have shown her how to enact twinkle twinkle by opening and closing my fists. So she probably has memories from that time and it triggered when I recently introduced her to http://www.hello-world.com to show her nursery rhymes. Thanks to my friend S in the US who told me about it and to my friend G who reminded me about it...now whenever I sit to browse on my laptop, little N comes to me and insists that I pick her up and starts enacting Twinkle Twinkle with her tiny little hands. I love it when she does this and can't resist a huge hug and kiss and pulling her on my lap to show her all the rhymes to her hearts desire. Her smile watching hello-world is priceless :-)

Sept & Oct 2008 - During these last two months in India, she has learnt to respond to questions such as 'Nikku khai assa (where is Nikku)', 'Nikkula haath khai assa (where are Nikku's hands)', 'Nikkula head khai assa (where is Nikku's head)', Nikku's nose khai assa (where is Nikku's nose)', 'Mamma khai assa (where is mommy)', 'Pappa khai assa (where is papa)'...you get the idea. It all started with her dadi teaching her where is Nikku. And she learnt to point at herself in such a cute manner - basically takes both her hands and beats on her tiny little chest proudly with a smile to show that here is Nikku :-) Then her dadi was trying to teach her where her hands were but before she got it, I had to fly out to Bangalore. So here I took it upon myself to continue that education and it is quickly working. Amazing how quickly they grasp these things.

Oct 8, 2008 - Saw little N hugging to things she didn't want to let go such as our car keys. This was really her first. She has never had a 'lovey' as such that she is attached to but these days if we give her something - just anything like keys or a belt or a towel, she plays with it and after a while I see her walking around hugging it close to her. I think she is ready for a soft toy or a security blanket or some lovey that she can use to soothe herself to sleep etc. I am sooo waiting for our container to arrive from the US which has all her soft toys in it.

Oct 2008 - Lately I have started leaving her diaper free for prolonged parts of the day to start the process of pee pee training a little early. It started off to help her with her rashes but has taken a good turn since then. With my mom's suggestion, I took her to the bathroom and made the 'sssss' noise to indicate her to pee. And surprisingly it worked! So now I do the same when she gets up from a nap or first thing in the morning etc. Sometimes though, when she is diaper less and she has a susu accident around the house, she starts making the 'sssss' noise herself. If I am not around, she comes to find me and tells me 'ssss' to basically let me know that she has peed somewhere in the house. And when she sees me cleaning it with a cloth, she has even started imitating that. Basically she pulls down whatever cloth she sees and mops the floor with her foot - just like how mommy does! Funny na.

Oct 10, 2008 - Finally after all the struggle of getting her switched to milk from formula, she has now made the transition to regular milk. Thank god! I was beginning to worry about her being allergic to milk or something. Now she has the Nandini milk we get at home which is 3% fat. After a month or two of this, I plan to switch to a higher fat content.

Anyways, among all these things she has learnt, what she just refuses to learn is to hold her milk bottle herself. Most babies are doing this at her age but our little princess wants to play with my hair while I hold the bottle for her. Every single time I have tried to put her hands around the bottle, she stops drinking and gets cranky and irritated and just stops her feeding session. Or she pours milk out of the bottle all over herself or the bed and plays with the spilled milk. That coz she imitates me pouring a little on the back of my hand to check for temperature. Anyone have any suggestions on how to teach her to hold her bottle? I do want to wean her to a sippy cup soon but just holding her bottle should be a good start for now.

A new lifestyle for the munchkin

When I started writing this post (9/9/08), it had been 10 days since we had moved to India after living in the US for almost 10 years (a year longer for my hubby). So I figured this is a good time to capture all that our little N is going through what with a new place, new environment, new people and a new life she is now adopting. I have seen sooooo many changes in our little munchkin in so little time that it just doesn't stop amazing me.

Temperament
Her first few days at her dada dadi's home was full of separation and stranger anxiety. Although she has been with them when she was younger, she took atleast 4 days to warm up to them completely. And then suddenly by day 5, she was all about them :-) She would happily run to whoever called out to her (dada, dadi or bua) and each of them have their unique cute ways to lure her to them and capture her attention. Oh also it seems like out of nowhere she has suddenly developed a way of showing stubbornness about whatever she wants. Already? She has just turned 1 and I feel she was such a baby before we brought her here to India :-) I read somewhere that babies do develop a tendency to show tantrums at this age but this just feels so sudden. Me and my hubby keep saying she has changed to a stubborn brat overnight :-)

Newfound love of Birds & Animals
She has started really clinging to me and my hubby a lot since the day we returned. I think part of it is stranger anxiety since suddenly she is surrounded by so many people. But part of it is also separation anxiety that comes naturally at this age. So the trick I have told her grandparents to adopt is take her quickly in their arms and run outdoors or to a balcony or window and show her outside. Her grandpa came up with a trick saying "Caw Caw" to basically whisk her away from me and show her the crow that visits us every day. She now loves being with her grandpa and watch the crow come and eat food at the kitchen and living room windowsill. That is aabu's (her grandpa's) favorite activity with her.

After 7 days when I brought her to her nana nani's place, she found more sparrows here than crows. So since then she also understands "Chi Chi" and points to sparrows every time we ask her "Where is Chi Chi". It is amazing that she can spot and point at crows and sparrows and also pigeons at such a distance that sometimes we also don't notice that they are there. When left alone with them, she seems to talk to them in a language of her own. Quite amazing to watch her mesmerized by these new beings since she never had such close encounters with them in the US. She is also fascinated with the cows and dogs around here. BTW here too she would cling to me a lot and it took her almost 4-5 days before she warmed up to be with nana/nani alone.

Sleep
It took her almost a whole week to get over the jet lag after arriving here. For that first week, she would take long naps during the day, refuse to eat as much but substitute that with more milk and would go off to bed at 6pm most days! Then she would sleep until atleast 4am the next morning after which she would be all fresh for the new day. That meant that even if we tried to sleep in to fight the jet lag, our little sweetheart would make sure that doesn't happen ;-) So my jetlag only passed when the little one was out of it herself. After a week or so, she was better but would still nap longer in the day as compared to what she did in the US and would go to be earlier (around 8 pm). Obviously I wasn't complaining as that meant that I had more time for other things while she was snoozing away :-)

Diet
So on one hand her sleep improved but her appetite definitely worsened. She was always a light eater but atleast she had solids thrice a day in the US. Here she reduced it to twice a day and I let it go initially coz she was adjusting to the time zone change and stuff. But after that phase passed, she still does not eat as much as she used to. Her meal times are the times I miss our nanny the most. She must have had such amazing patience to feed my little picky monster :-)

Other than that, I introduced her to cow's milk on Sept. 3 (first day of the Ganpati season). And oh my god what an ordeal that was. Me and my little N had to go through so much that I think I should write it for all of you who are or will be going to this phase soon. So first of all, I made the mistake of following the US pediatrician's instructions to the T and going and searching for the most fatty tetra pack milk I could find in India so that it is close to the Whole Fat version in the US. I couldn't find anything that said Whole Fat so I bought Amul Gold Standardized Milk which had close to 7.5% fat. Gave that to her and she took it fine at first, fussed a little later and then took it if I was persistent. But the worst mistake I made was that unknowingly I did not go slow. I had no idea that is how you are supposed to do it. No one including my pediatrician had informed me that cow's milk is harder for babies to digest and can upset their tummies. I always thought it is about the taste and that is why some parents mix it with formula to give it to their babies initially. So when N took it fine, I thought she is ok with the taste and can make the switch now. BIG MISTAKE. Poor baby started pooping everytime she had a bottle of milk and so she started going atleast 4 times a day. So once I came to my parents, they informed me that Amul Gold is not cow's but buffalo's milk which is typically thicker and tougher for people to digest. Wow - imagine that! And nowhere it mentions anything such as that on the packet. Isn't that just wrong? So on their advise, I switched her to what we got at home (Amul Taaza 3.5% fat). They suggested if her system can digest this, then I can graduate to higher fat content. Made sense. But I think the mistake was already made by then coz who knows if it is was coz of the milk or the extra poops but she developed a bad diaper rash in a few days. At that point I stopped milk completely and took her back to formula. And then when I asked around to see what I was doing wrong, I was told that I should have given her just a little milk to start with and gradually increased the quantity to allow her system to digest cow's milk! Imagine that! No one tells you these things man - its almost like you are supposed to know these things being a mom. Ridiculous isn't it? Poor N had to go through so much coz of all this.

Anyways, I brought her to only 2 ounces of milk in a 6 ounce bottle of formula once a day (in mid afternoon). But after a few days it still didn't change her poop frequency so I took her to a local pediatrician. And he goes, 4 times a day is normal. You should only worry when it is 10 times a day and is loose! And that's that. I was amazed at the nonchalance they show here for babies. No advise on what to do and what not to do. Just wrote up a prescription for the rash and a medicine for the diarrhea (if any) and that's it. I had to dig it out from him to figure out how to switch her to cow's milk successfully. He then suggested Lactogen. Start with its stage 1 and then move to stage 2 and then milk. He even suggested diluting the milk initially (3:1 - 3 parts boiled milk, 1 part boiled water). He also said to keep with Amul Taaza 3.5% and not move to whole fat right away.

So I ask you experienced mommies out there, what should I do next? I think I will keep her with the 2 ounces milk she is getting once a day but I worry every time she poops (she still goes 4 times a day now). I don't think I want to stop milk completely for a week or so coz I don't have infinite Enfamil formula with me. And I don't think I want to start go with the option of Lactogen 1 and 2 and drag this thing forever. The doc towards the end said - you can just stick to doing what you are doing without going to Lactogen as well. Seems like he couldn't make up his own mind. Didn't help me a single bit going to ask for his advise. The only thing I learnt is the brand Lactogen is pediatrician recommended.

Her food intake has also reduced at the same time. She used to eat well thrice a day in the US. Now she just refuses to open her mouth when she does not want to eat - whatever I do. Any tips or words of advise? The doc said he could prescribe a tonic to increase her appetite but would not recommend it for her yet. And I agree - I want to stay away from medications for these things.

Her Likes and Dislikes
She loves playing with both sets of grandparents now and absolutely loves running around. She has also started climbing and coming down of stairs and loves doing that all the time. We take her to a garden here in my parent's town and she just has a sudden burst of energy and runs there non stop! It is good exercise for me too coz I have to keep running after her to make sure herself.

She has also started enjoying her baths now! Thank God for that. I am glad that her bath anxiety seems to have passed. I think the humidity in the air also contributes to her love of bathing. Atleast for me it does :-) I am always soooo hot and sweaty here (especially in Mumbai) that it is not funny. I am not sure how I never felt this way in my earlier visits to India.

Anyways, I could keep going on and on about all the things that are new for me and her. But this post is getting way to long and I am afraid that my questions about switching her to cow's milk may get lost and go unanswered by you readers. So please please send me your tips/advise on both - switching to cow's milk and also weaning her to sippy cup from the bottle.